Mezuzah Man PART 1

5 months ago my roommate took a weekend trip up to NYC with his friend from med school. They went to a block party on the Upper West Side where most of the houses were open for partying. In one of these houses he met the love of his life. He came back that Sunday, makes a crap load of noise and wakes me up from a nap by yelling "I'm in love, I'm in love, just like Elf did in the highly acclaimed film, Elf. I was just thinking, Fuck, he's back. He runs up to my room proclaiming love and explained how he met this beautiful and smart, Jewish red head with a great ass. He couldn't wait for me to meet her, however, he did have one concern. She was extremely religious. Modern Orthodox and he didn't know whether she knew that he was not very Jewish. The next day he told me that she was going to be visiting that next weekend for Shabbat and that I shoulnt use the special plates and knives that he bought specifically for her. For those non Jews out there, Jewish people have a special set of holy dishware for the holidays. There was a set of rules I had to follow for shabbat. I couldnt believe what was happening. I couldnt use a phone, watch tv or turn lights on or off from sundown Friday to sundown Saturday. Later that day I came home and to see a brand new Mezuzah affixed on the back door to the house. I was thinking, oh god, this is serious and what an ugly f'ing mezuzah. Then I had one on my bedroom door and one on his door and one on the bathroom door and another one on the front door. He put Mezuzahs everywhere. Special dishware and Mezuzahs. Where the hell do I live? He really jew'd this place up. I mean, I guess that makes me a better person by default.

Part 2 later....