New Roommates

Its just not the same. I woke up this morning and had fresh coffee and fresh oatmeal and fresh smelling folded towels at the foot of my bathroom door. I just cant write anything bad about these roommates today. Shit, arent parents supposed to suck and annoy the hell out of you? I guess after all of these years of being without their three sons they are now welcoming one back as if they were their equal.

Wow

Wow. Its been a really long time since ive last written here. I actually don't have a roommate anymore. Well,atleast not "the bad roommate". He now lives in California with his wife. I have talked to them maybe twice in a year and a half. As for me, I kind of just lied. I ended up doing a reality show for ABC and entered into a whirlwind that is just starting to slow down now. The lie was that i have roommates and they are my parents. hahahaha. Its ridiculous. I live in a bedroom with a crib at the end of my bed used for when my brother and his wife were waiting to settle on their new home with a new born baby. Its not like im in the room I grew up in with posters on the wall and old playboys under then bed. This room has a crib and wall paper and an old framed still life that you buy from Marshals. It feels good to be writing again in this space. Maybe for the short time that i am here in this house i can write about my parents asking me the same questions over and over again and how i usually ignore the questions or how my dad tried to punish me for putting a starbucks ice coffee in the trash can with some liquid left in it. Yeah my dad has always been anal. He's great though, i love him, but wow, his brain malfunctioned at some point in life. I have to read my moms emails on her blackberry for her because the font is too small. I'm thinkng about buying her that Gitterbug sp? phone that you see on late night informercials. Its a phone for old people with really large font. I am certainly in a transition phase in life and have become a D list celebrity for the time being. Thanks to the Bachelorette Jillian Harris dumping me on national tv twice. Sorry about my 4th grade writing skills people and my lack of editing but i just have too much on my plate right now for proof reading and correcting etc....I will be in touch soon with some funny parent stories. While I live here i may as well revamp this blog. I also would like to hear some of your bad roommate stories. At least my parents dont pee in the front yard like my old roommate or leave trash bags full of maggots in the kitchen.

OH MAN, THIS DIDNT REALLY HAPPEN, DID IT?

Keep in mind that its been about a week since we settled on the house. Yesterday I received a phone call from the new owners and it went down like this.

My cell Phone Rings

"Hello"

"Hi is this blank (sorry I dont reveal my name)"

"yes this is blank"

"Hi blank its Blank the person who bought your house"

"Yes, hi Blank, hows everything going" (I asked this sensing that something was wrong)

"well, (here we go) is your car parked in the parking spot behind the house"

(I knew immediately what was going on)

"No, why, is there a car in the spot?"

"Yes......It's an SUV."

"Oh man, what kind of a car is it? is it a Jeep" She said Jeep as I was saying it.

"Yeah, a Jeep." She said

"UNBELIEVABLE (I started laughing) I'm so sorry, I have no idea why my roommates car would be in the driveway, its not our house anymore. Listen, Blank, my roommate is a bit scatter brained and probably doesn't even know where his car is right now and probably hasnt even thought about it in a week. "

"Really"

"Yeah, imagine how I feel, i lived with him for a few years. "

"I'm sorry"

"Yeah well listen, I am going to call him immediately and have somebody move it ASAP. I will call you back soon, when are you moving in"

"Tomorrow, so if somebody could get it out of there that would be great. If its not gone by tonight then we are going to tow it."

"Yeah do that, if they dont move it, then maybe he will learn."


I called my roommate and he didnt answer, so then I sent him two text messages, called his dad and left a message and called his brother who answered but didnt have a backup key. I also called his fiance who didnt answer.

Later in the day the new owner called back again to see if I had resolved the issue. I told her that I was still working on it and that I could assure her that somebody will move it by the next day.

After that phone call, my roommate texted me "Oh Shit, my car is still there? Nobody moved it? it was supposed to be moved"

I wrote back "Well, if you dont move it then it will be towed."

He called me back and said, dude, can you delay her from towing it until tomorrow? I'm in NYC and my dad is at the beach and my bro doesnt have a key."

I said, "NO f'ng way, you call her, im done with this place. How the hell do you not know where your car is? its crazy. Call her. "

The END

Move Out

As expected, "the roommate" put me through misery until the very last possible minute of owning this house. Here is a recap of the last few days, starting with the settlement on Friday.

Friday comes around and I'm in heaven and ecstatic that we are finally settling on the house, getting our money out and I was celebrating the fact that I will never have a bad roommate again in my life. My roommate had been in another city for the past week or so for a med school rotation so he couldn't attend the settlement but his dad could so we had to prepare and fed ex him a power of attorney to give his dad permission to sign for him at Fridays settlement. Long story short; on the day of settlement, the title clerk noticed that the power of attorney was reversed so we couldn't get our money because of the hold up. We transferred title to the new owners which is good but now I had to wait until Monday to get the money. "Roommate would have to get a new power of attorney signed first and guess who would be the one to have to get this all orchestrated? Unreal. One would think that a med student would have read the documents they had sent him before signing and mailing. He signed above where it said his dads name, that should have been the first red flag alerting him to the fact that something on that original power of attorney was wrong. So I called my roommate over and over again the entire weekend while at the beach and he didn't answer or respond to my phone calls until Sunday when he finally didn't call but texted me back. "Hey, I'm sorry about power of attorney, I'll be back at the house on Sunday but I am headed right back to NYC and wont have anytime to get the new power of attorney signed till ateast Thursday."
No fucking way, I was thinking in my head. No way am I waiting that long to get the money from this bad roommate experience. I was to be paid for blogging out my life here for the past two years. I called him a few times after that and he finally answered. I tried not to freak out so I said, " dude, no fucking way, when you get back to the house on Sunday, do your best to find a notary who works on Sunday and get that thing signed, its sitting on the coffee table downstairs. This is really fucking unfair and you need to start thinking about other people in life, get that thing signed, I'll be back from the beach on Sunday. " Then hung up. Then I texted him that since he will be home Sunday, and since we will be moving for good mid week, that he should take out trash and clear out everything in the house that he doesn't need.

I get home from the beach on Sunday to a house still filled with all of his crap, the trash wasn't taken out, his stuff wasn't even packed up and he was gone. I couldn't believe it. The next day I woke up really early to start boxing and packing my stuff when his dad and his three nephews, two boys and a girl, ages ranging from 11 to 13, show up to help his dad pack all of his stuff for his movers on Wed. I was getting alot done on my side until his nephews showed up and asked me every 2 minutes if they could have something or if we were going to keep things. It was cute for the first hour but after that my patience was wearing thin. They kept finding this pepper spray that I keep just in case and were calling it pepper mint spray and wanted to use it in each others mouths like Bianca. sp? Then they were laying on my bed where all of my folded clothes were and talking about how my room is the hangout room. Fuck! Anyway, I left the house to eat lunch and to get away so I could regroup to come back and pack again which I did. So the next day, I wake up early again to finish my packing and to greet my movers who got there at 8 AM. My roommates stuff was still everywhere and we had trash and old furniture everywhere and I didnt know what to do. I called 1800-got junk who came over immediately, thank god, and took all the junk and old furniture before the movers started moving stuff out of the exits. This company I highly recommend. Anyway, my movers were good and finally got me moved out. At this point my stuff is out and I realize how much stuff my roommate still had sitting around for his movers on Wed. Last night late i was cleaning trash that his pre movers, his dad and nephews left and now im completely moved out. I just cant believe he wasnt around for his entire move out and how he didnt even think or care about it and let his dad and nephews move all his shit for him. That is weird and crazy and unfair to me and he should of had this stuff planned before his med school rotation. So yesterday, I get a text from him, "yo, do you mind getting the cable boxes that my dad left at the house and delivering them to my new address, he forgot them"
My answer, "yes I mind"
I got my money and got my life back.

The end. BUT GREAT SUCCESS, NO MORE ROOMMATE!

ENERGY BILL

ELECTRIC BILL LAST MONTH WHILE ROOMMATE WAS GONE FOR THE MONTH $200

ELECTRIC BILL FOR JULY WHEN ROOMMATE WAS MOSTLY HOME FOR THE MONTH $400.



WTF?

Should I have to pay this difference ? Please let me know people. Thanks


The Good Roommate

Settlement and Broken Air

Tonight, while sitting with a friend and drinking scotches at a local steak house bar, I received a CC of an email that my roommate sent to his dad concerning the coming settlement of our house. Keep in mind that there are three names on the deed, me, him and his dad. The house settles on August 15th and we are allowed to live here until the 23rd. He has known these dates for close to 4 months since the house first went under contract. Anyway, the Carbon Copy email to his dad was alerting him that settlement was on the 23rd, which is wrong. Its on the 15th and you would think, that somebody who owns a house, who is settling and making money on that house, would know the date of their own settlement. Listen, he is a busy person; getting married soon, in med school, etc etc.....however, have some respect and know your own settlement date. My friend who was drinking with me tonight even knew that the email and date was wrong before I even said anything. I'm the one who is going to have to set up the closing, and order a power of attorney so his dad can sign for him, but how is this all going to happen if he cant even get the dates straight. Anyway, im drunk, but on top of that email I received tonight when I get home and the air conditioner is broken. Its fucking 80 degress in my room right now. Im piseed. I got home from being away for the weekend on Sunday, and when I got home the house was freezing and thermostat was on 60 degrees and Ive told him in the past that if you keep it that low then its going to break. Well, it broke again but he never realizes that he is doing anything wrong. its absolutely crazy.

Things that have gone wrong.

1. Dirty hospital scrubs are back. After having an in depth conversation about this and how much it bothers me, they are back. A huge pile of nasty, dirty hospital scrubs all over the floor. There is blood on them.

2. I went food shopping and I found the food that I bought hidden in his special kosher cabinet.

3. He was gone for almost a month last month and it was the first time that my electric bill was normal and remember that energy prices are really high now so if I think they are normal now, imagine how I high they usually are. I get back last night and the thermostat is set to 60 degrees. Come on dude. I have told you over and over again how thermostats work. idiot.

4. I cleaned the place about two weeks ago, he came back to the house and a few days later the place is slowly becoming a filthy nightmare. crumbs and debris stuck to the bottom of my socks when I walk around the house.

5. Inexplicable feeling of a film of filth on my skin after a few days of the roommate being back.

6. Fridge fills up with weeks worth of leftovers from takeout. Can never find the food I bought. He never throws anything out.

7. How do you soak the outside shower curtain?

8. what is that crap on the bathroom wall?