I have to laugh sometimes. Comedy is the visual and verbal cognitive dissonance of sufferers. Transforming hardship and annoyance into laughter.
This morning my roommate stuck around for the plumber who had to come to clear out the sewage main from our house to the sewer line. I had to go to work. I got a call a few hours later from my roommate.
"dude, They are still here and they cant seem to fix the problem so they are going to come back later with a super powered tool that should power through the clog. "
"Ok, will you be there for that?"
"good, because im too busy with work"
Later on, he text messaged me- "can you do me a favor if you come home soon? Pick up some water and hard wood for the fireplace"
Recently my roommate has been on a weird fireplace kick where he sits in front of it and stares. Then builds another one.
I wrote him back "No"
A few minutes later I received another text saying "dude, I could really go for some hard wood"
What a freak but i have to admit it was funny.
So when I got back home, there was shit, mud water all over the back driveway. long story short is that they couldn't fix the problem and tomorrow morning they are coming back with the Foreman to dig up the driveway. It sucks because its going to be a couple grand, but I'm used to it. This is the fucking money pit.
Anyway, after a long day of work my roommate comes into my room and says:
"so I want to give you an update. They couldn't fix the problem and they said to limit the water use, so I think that we should piss in the yard."
He was completely serious.
I said, "are you fucking kidding me? for real? you think we should pee in the yard? Dude, the plumbing has been fucked for a few weeks now, and Im the one who called the plumber, you have been peeing in the toilet for the past few weeks so I think its ok for you to continue to pee in the toilet until they get this fixed. "
"well I really think that we should pee in the yard"
I was thinking, what the fuck? What the fuck is wrong with him: "dude, dont pee in the yard. You are 29 and we have neighbors and its not fair to them or me who is a half owner of this house. DO NOT PEE IN MY YARD. PLEASE.
"i dont know, I think we should"
"DUDE, WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO SHIT????? YOU GONNA SHIT IN THE FUCKING YARD TOO??? BECAUSE IF YOU ARENT, THEN DONT PEE IN THE FRONT YARD. OK?
THE END. ....