THIS HAS ALL GONE WAY TOO FAR. LIKE 2 YEARS TOO FAR.
HE WENT TO VISIT HIS GIRLFRIEND UP IN NYC AFTER WORK TODAY. BEFORE HE LEFT, HE WAS SUPPOSED TO CLEAN HIS PILES OF SMELLY ASS CLOTHES OUT OF THE LAUNDRY ROOM AND CLEAN UP AFTERWARD FOR THE PEOPLE WHO WERE COMING TO LOOK AT THE HOUSE. AS SOME OF YOU KNOW, I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO RENT THIS HOUSE FOR SOME TIME NOW. AFTER 5 WEEKS HE FINALLY MOVED HIS PILES OF SHIT BUT DIDNT CLEAN UP. I WAS JUST HAPPY HE WAS GONE FOR A NIGHT then........
I CAME UP STAIRS TO GET READY FOR BED LIKE THE GOOD WORKING CHAP THAT I AM BUT WAIT! WHERE'S THE TOOTHPASTE I BOUGHT A FEW DAYS BEFORE?????? LET'S ALL GUESS TOGETHER?
YEP. BOYS AND GIRLS, THE FUCKING ROOMATE TOOK MY MOTHER FUCKING TOOTHPASTE. WHO THE FUCK IS THAT SELFISH? HIS GIRLFRIEND DOESNT HAVE TOOTHPASTE??
ALL I KNOW IS THAT EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE SOMETHING LIKE THIS HAPPENS AND ITS NOT RIGHT. SO IM TAKING A VOTE. SHOULD I ATTEND HIS BACHELOR PARTY AND WEDDING?? I'M STARTING TO QUESTION THE FRIENDSHIP AND WHETHER OR NOT I SHOULD SPEND ONE MORE DOLLAR ON ANYTHING ASSOCIATED WITH A FRIEND ON THIN ICE.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Saturday, February 9, 2008
GROCERIES FOR THE ANIMAL KINGDOM
So everyone knows that my roommate broke the new vacuum machine I bought. He assured me that he would go out and buy a new one on his next day off. Well, he called into the hospital on his next day off and the vacuum never came. Last night he said, "Yo, my dad is coming over tonight or tomorrow to bring groceries and maybe a vacuum. Ok?"
"um ok" What did he want me to say to that.
He had a bag packed and said that he was headed back to the hospital.
His dad never showed up last night. This afternoon I went out the front door to go for a run and noticed that there were about 7 bags of groceries just sitting there. His dad must have had trouble getting into the house so he just left the groceries on the stoop. Meanwhile there were squirrels everywhere. I must have gotten there at the right time because it didn't look like they ate any of the food. They were def about to tear shit up. Anyway, where is my roommate and what were they going to do if I wasn't home? It would have been another front yard disaster. Cats, squirrels and possums would have had a freakin field day. GEEZUS.
To makes things worse. I was the one who had to unpack all of the groceries and put everything away making sure that animals didn't rip through the food. There was a vacuum in one of the bags but obviously any vacuum that can fit in a grocery bag isnt nearly a replacement for the one I bought and he broke. He got a dust buster.
Just another thing I didn't want to do or want to think about.
"um ok" What did he want me to say to that.
He had a bag packed and said that he was headed back to the hospital.
His dad never showed up last night. This afternoon I went out the front door to go for a run and noticed that there were about 7 bags of groceries just sitting there. His dad must have had trouble getting into the house so he just left the groceries on the stoop. Meanwhile there were squirrels everywhere. I must have gotten there at the right time because it didn't look like they ate any of the food. They were def about to tear shit up. Anyway, where is my roommate and what were they going to do if I wasn't home? It would have been another front yard disaster. Cats, squirrels and possums would have had a freakin field day. GEEZUS.
To makes things worse. I was the one who had to unpack all of the groceries and put everything away making sure that animals didn't rip through the food. There was a vacuum in one of the bags but obviously any vacuum that can fit in a grocery bag isnt nearly a replacement for the one I bought and he broke. He got a dust buster.
Just another thing I didn't want to do or want to think about.
Monday, February 4, 2008
WHY GOD?
How did he already break the semi nice, brand new vacuum cleaner that I bought about a month ago! What the Fuck? I went to clean the house today and it wouldnt go on. He said, oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, I broke the vacuum machine. I ALMOST SERIOUSLY LOST IT. NEVER BEEN SO CLOSE TO GOING MAD. I KNEW I WAS CLOSE BECAUSE NEVER IN MY LIFE HAVE I BEEN RIGHT BETWEEN CRACKING UP AND KILLING SOMEBODY. THATS SOMETHING MAD PEOPLE DO? I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO DO BUT IT FELT AS IF MY HEAD WAS GOING TO POP THE FUCK OFF, SO I WENT TO THE KITCHEN AND SMASHED A GLASS IN THE SINK. People who know me can vouch that I do not have an anger problem, but he seems to have pushed me towards the edge of sanity.
"How? You are a nightmare. I swear, I freaking nightmare. How the hell did you break it"
"I accidentally ripped a piece off the back of it. "
So now, we have a broken sewer pipe from our house to the street, a broken vacuum and new carpets. Obviously I am the one who is arranging all of this work to be done; with a grand total of $4500.
This place is as close to hell as one can get. Please somebody rent this house, Please.
"How? You are a nightmare. I swear, I freaking nightmare. How the hell did you break it"
"I accidentally ripped a piece off the back of it. "
So now, we have a broken sewer pipe from our house to the street, a broken vacuum and new carpets. Obviously I am the one who is arranging all of this work to be done; with a grand total of $4500.
This place is as close to hell as one can get. Please somebody rent this house, Please.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Plumbing problems
I have to laugh sometimes. Comedy is the visual and verbal cognitive dissonance of sufferers. Transforming hardship and annoyance into laughter.
This morning my roommate stuck around for the plumber who had to come to clear out the sewage main from our house to the sewer line. I had to go to work. I got a call a few hours later from my roommate.
"dude, They are still here and they cant seem to fix the problem so they are going to come back later with a super powered tool that should power through the clog. "
"Ok, will you be there for that?"
"Yeah"
"good, because im too busy with work"
Later on, he text messaged me- "can you do me a favor if you come home soon? Pick up some water and hard wood for the fireplace"
Recently my roommate has been on a weird fireplace kick where he sits in front of it and stares. Then builds another one.
I wrote him back "No"
A few minutes later I received another text saying "dude, I could really go for some hard wood"
What a freak but i have to admit it was funny.
So when I got back home, there was shit, mud water all over the back driveway. long story short is that they couldn't fix the problem and tomorrow morning they are coming back with the Foreman to dig up the driveway. It sucks because its going to be a couple grand, but I'm used to it. This is the fucking money pit.
Anyway, after a long day of work my roommate comes into my room and says:
"so I want to give you an update. They couldn't fix the problem and they said to limit the water use, so I think that we should piss in the yard."
He was completely serious.
I said, "are you fucking kidding me? for real? you think we should pee in the yard? Dude, the plumbing has been fucked for a few weeks now, and Im the one who called the plumber, you have been peeing in the toilet for the past few weeks so I think its ok for you to continue to pee in the toilet until they get this fixed. "
"well I really think that we should pee in the yard"
I was thinking, what the fuck? What the fuck is wrong with him: "dude, dont pee in the yard. You are 29 and we have neighbors and its not fair to them or me who is a half owner of this house. DO NOT PEE IN MY YARD. PLEASE.
"i dont know, I think we should"
"DUDE, WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO SHIT????? YOU GONNA SHIT IN THE FUCKING YARD TOO??? BECAUSE IF YOU ARENT, THEN DONT PEE IN THE FRONT YARD. OK?
THE END. ....
This morning my roommate stuck around for the plumber who had to come to clear out the sewage main from our house to the sewer line. I had to go to work. I got a call a few hours later from my roommate.
"dude, They are still here and they cant seem to fix the problem so they are going to come back later with a super powered tool that should power through the clog. "
"Ok, will you be there for that?"
"Yeah"
"good, because im too busy with work"
Later on, he text messaged me- "can you do me a favor if you come home soon? Pick up some water and hard wood for the fireplace"
Recently my roommate has been on a weird fireplace kick where he sits in front of it and stares. Then builds another one.
I wrote him back "No"
A few minutes later I received another text saying "dude, I could really go for some hard wood"
What a freak but i have to admit it was funny.
So when I got back home, there was shit, mud water all over the back driveway. long story short is that they couldn't fix the problem and tomorrow morning they are coming back with the Foreman to dig up the driveway. It sucks because its going to be a couple grand, but I'm used to it. This is the fucking money pit.
Anyway, after a long day of work my roommate comes into my room and says:
"so I want to give you an update. They couldn't fix the problem and they said to limit the water use, so I think that we should piss in the yard."
He was completely serious.
I said, "are you fucking kidding me? for real? you think we should pee in the yard? Dude, the plumbing has been fucked for a few weeks now, and Im the one who called the plumber, you have been peeing in the toilet for the past few weeks so I think its ok for you to continue to pee in the toilet until they get this fixed. "
"well I really think that we should pee in the yard"
I was thinking, what the fuck? What the fuck is wrong with him: "dude, dont pee in the yard. You are 29 and we have neighbors and its not fair to them or me who is a half owner of this house. DO NOT PEE IN MY YARD. PLEASE.
"i dont know, I think we should"
"DUDE, WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO SHIT????? YOU GONNA SHIT IN THE FUCKING YARD TOO??? BECAUSE IF YOU ARENT, THEN DONT PEE IN THE FRONT YARD. OK?
THE END. ....
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Just Got Home
Its pretty late right now Monday morning. I just got home from a long weekend away in Florida. I was praying in the cab ride home that my roommate took the trash out. Sunday is trash night and has been for years.
The cab pulled up in front of the house and I noticed two very important things. One, roommates car was parked which meant he was home. Two, everyones trash was out front except for ours. FUCK!
I went inside and saw the same trash bags on the kitchen table that were there when I left on Friday morning. I just put sticky notes on his mirror in the bathroom explaining basically how he is the worst roommate that ever lived. His excuse tomorrow will be " OHH dude, im so sorry, I was so tired after this weekend and after all the family shit that I just forgot. I'll do it next weekend. No he wont
The cab pulled up in front of the house and I noticed two very important things. One, roommates car was parked which meant he was home. Two, everyones trash was out front except for ours. FUCK!
I went inside and saw the same trash bags on the kitchen table that were there when I left on Friday morning. I just put sticky notes on his mirror in the bathroom explaining basically how he is the worst roommate that ever lived. His excuse tomorrow will be " OHH dude, im so sorry, I was so tired after this weekend and after all the family shit that I just forgot. I'll do it next weekend. No he wont
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
NO MORE MILK!!!!! SHITTTTTT
Woke up this morning and the first thought on my mind was Cereal. Cereally, all I wanted was my almond crunch cereal badly. I ran downstairs and noticed that the box of cereal was left out and open on the kitchen counter top. I knew exactly what to expect next but was optimistic that he didnt finish all the milk. I opened the fridge slowly and went to grab the milk that I had gone out of my way to buy two days earlier. As if in slow motion I grabbed the milk and it weighed close to nothing. He left me with enough milk to fill maybe a quarter of a bowl of cereal. WHAT THE FUCK. How did he manage to just about polish off an entire gallon of milk in one night!!!! Just finish the fucking milk. It would be less annoying. Geezus.
He blamed it on sleeping pills.
Bullshit.
He blamed it on sleeping pills.
Bullshit.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
