Just Got Home

Its pretty late right now Monday morning. I just got home from a long weekend away in Florida. I was praying in the cab ride home that my roommate took the trash out. Sunday is trash night and has been for years.

The cab pulled up in front of the house and I noticed two very important things. One, roommates car was parked which meant he was home. Two, everyones trash was out front except for ours. FUCK!

I went inside and saw the same trash bags on the kitchen table that were there when I left on Friday morning. I just put sticky notes on his mirror in the bathroom explaining basically how he is the worst roommate that ever lived. His excuse tomorrow will be " OHH dude, im so sorry, I was so tired after this weekend and after all the family shit that I just forgot. I'll do it next weekend. No he wont

NO MORE MILK!!!!! SHITTTTTT

Woke up this morning and the first thought on my mind was Cereal. Cereally, all I wanted was my almond crunch cereal badly. I ran downstairs and noticed that the box of cereal was left out and open on the kitchen counter top. I knew exactly what to expect next but was optimistic that he didnt finish all the milk. I opened the fridge slowly and went to grab the milk that I had gone out of my way to buy two days earlier. As if in slow motion I grabbed the milk and it weighed close to nothing. He left me with enough milk to fill maybe a quarter of a bowl of cereal. WHAT THE FUCK. How did he manage to just about polish off an entire gallon of milk in one night!!!! Just finish the fucking milk. It would be less annoying. Geezus.

He blamed it on sleeping pills.

Bullshit.

Lost Phone Charger

My roommate talks to his girlfriend on the phone ALOT, (He just got engaged) Understandable, for they are in a long distance relationship.

The problem is that my roommate lost his cell charger again so he needs to borrow my phone at night after his phone dies. He just woke me up by knocking on my door. I asked what he wanted. He opened my door and said " hey dude, can I borrow your phone for 20 minutes?"

"Yeah, but im going to bed soon,."

"ok, ill leave it in the bathroom"

"you, cant. Its my alarm clock "

"ok, I just want to call her to say goodnight and i'll bring it back in"


I mean, its not that big of a deal but little things add up over time. Why dont I ever lose my cell phone charger? Why don't I clog sinks and toilets and the entire streets plumbing? How come I don't leave cereal all over the kitchen floor or forget to take out the trash for 4 months straight?

Who knows?

While im writing this he comes in to tell me that my phone died and that he needs to borrow my charger. Shit. I'm too old for this.

ISRAEL

THANK GOD. MY ROOMMATE AND HIS GIRLFRIEND JUST LEFT FOR ISRAEL FOR A WEEK. THE PROBLEM IS, AND PEOPLE WHO READ MY BLOG KNOW, THAT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO GET MY CREDIT REPORT WORKED OUT FOR ABOUT THREE MONTHS. HE ASSURED ME, PROMISED ME IN FACT THAT HE WOULD WORK ON GETTING AN ONLINE APPLICATION TO THE CREDIT UNION BEFORE HE LEFT. THAT DIDNT HAPPEN.

YESTERDAY, I SAID, DUDE, BEFORE YOU LEAVE, PLEASE CLEAN UP THE ANIMAL EATEN TRASH BAGS THAT YOU LEFT ON THE FRONT PATIO THE DAY WHEN YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO CLEAN UP THE HOUSE FOR POTENTIAL RENTERS BUT DIDNT SO YOU THREW THE TRASH IN THE FRONT YARD AND LEFT IT. ANIMALS ATE THE CRAP OUT OF IT. OK, BUT CAN YOU HELP ME HE ASKED.

NO FUCKING WAY.

HE LEFT THIS MORNING AND THERE STILL THERE.

CRAZY THING IS THAT I HAVE TOLD HIM MANY TIMES THAT ANIMALS LIKE FOOD AND THERE IS FOOD IN TRASH. HE DID IT AGAIN. I DONT THINK HE GETS IT OR LEARNS FROM MISTAKES? JUST DOESNT REMEMBER FUCK UPS OF THE PAST ? COULD IT BE AN EARLY STAGE OF ALZHEIMERS?

SO HE LEFT FOR ISRAEL AND NOW IM STUCK WITH A TRASHED FRONT YARD AND A BAD CREDIT SCORE.

THANKS ROOMMATE FROM HELL. YOU'RE THE BEST!

FIRE PART 3

GOT HOME YESTERDAY AND MY ROOMMATE LEFT THE HOUSE AND FORGOT HE WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF MAKING LUNCH. HE LEFT TWO SLICES OF BREAD ON ONE OF THOSE TOAST MASTER FLAT GRILL LIKE TOASTERS, TOASTING AT 400 DEGREES. CRAZY. I COME HOME AND SMELL SMOKE AND NOTICE THE CHARRED BREAD AND CHEESE LEFT OUT. I ALSO NOTICED THE REFRIGERATOR WAS LEFT WIDE OPEN. I CANT BELIEVE THIS. I HAVE LIVED HERE FOR 3 YEARS.

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I GOT UP OUT OF BED AT AROUND 2 AM TO GET A GLASS OF WATER FROM THE KITCHEN. I WALKED DOWN THE STEPS IN THE DARK AND AT THE BOTTOM STEP I COLLAPSED. THE FUCKER LEFT HIS GOOFY ASS MED SCHOOL CLOGS RIGHT AT THE BOTTOM OF THE STEPS. I WAS ALREADY SORE DUE TO THREE HOURS OF BASKETBALL EARLIER IN THE DAY. MY ANKLE TWISTED AND I FUCKING COLLAPSED. GEEZUS. THE KID JUST DOESN'T THINK. I'M IN PAIN TODAY.

CREDIT CARD KILLER part 90

So. My roommate still has not contacted the credit agency to fix my credit. He said on Thursday that it was the first thing on his list. I couldnt get a hold of him all day and then realized that his girlfriend was coming in. Long story shot. He didnt do it. Now I have to think about this shit over the New Years. Way to ruin mine dude/dick.