Baseball Game

Sitting at my desk tonight still trying to learn about finance stuff while watching the Phillie's game my roommate comes in with pajama pants, no shirt to cover his hairy, sonic boom chest and carrying his own chair. He sits uncomfortably close to me and begins to watch the game without speaking a word. When I say close, I mean like we are at a real baseball game close. I said, " Uh, dude. Why did you just sit so close to me?" I am comfortable with my manhood but its just weird that he brought a chair into my room and placed it so close to me and with no shirt on. Its hilariously bazaar. I go back to work and he says right behind me, "yo, man.....its just me and you....What do you want to do about it?" "Get out of my room. You are annoying me." "Dude, are you just jealous that im going to be a doctor and you just a salesman?" "No, not at all, I just think that you are being a little too gay for me right now and you need a time out, A long one...Maybe like 5 years. " "Yeah, I do need a long one, is yours long?" " GET OUT OF MY ROOM"

NAIL CLIPPING

Im sitting in my room at my desk trying to read about stock valuation while my roommate clips his nails in the bathroom. I swear from the sound of it, if you didnt know him and have never seen him you would think he has 12 arms and 8 legs.

After he is finished he will go to his room and use his ikea mesh trash can as a nailfile.

shit close call. While I was typing that he came in with the trash can and I couldnt minimize the screen. This blog was almost revealed

TV

My roommate is watching TV right now and I'm almost sure that the entire street can hear it.

MISSING SHIRT. NO MISSING PANTS

A FEW MINUTES AGO I WAS LOOKING AROUND MY HOUSE FOR A PARTICULAR SHIRT THAT I WANTED TO WEAR TO DINNER WITH MY FAMILY. I COULDNT FIND IT SO OF COURSE I AUTOMATICALLY THOUGHT THAT MY ROOMMATE WORE MY NEW SHIRT. I'M SURE YOU WOULD TOO. WHILE BEGINING TO FREAK OUT I DECIDED TO CHECK HIS ROOM TO SEE IF HE HAD IT SOMEHWERE. MEANWHILE, HIS ROOM IS LITERALLY PILES OF CLOTHES RIGHT NOW, IM NOT JOKING, HIS ENTIRE ROOM IS COVERED IN PILES OF CLOTHES TO THE POINT WHERE YOU CANT SEE THE FLOOR.
I STARTED FLIPPING THROUGH THE HANGING CLOTHES IN HIS CLOSET AND WHAT DO I FIND? NOT THE SHIRT I WAS LOOKING FOR BUT THE TWO PAIRS OF VERY EXPENSIVE DRESS PANTS THAT I HAVE BEEN BLAMING MY DRY CLEANERS FOR LOSING FOR ABOUT 5 MONTHS NOW. WHAT THE FUCK. I ASKED HIM MULTIPLE TIMES OVER THE PAST FEW MONTHS IF HE HAD SEEN THEM. OBVIOUSLY, HE SAID NO.

WHAT A DICK. SO I HAVE BEEN STUCK WEARING WEARING PLEATED PANTS TOWARDS THE END OF THE WEEK BECAUSE OF HIM. I HATE PLEATS AND GIRLS DONT LIKE THEM EITHER

I FINALLY FOUND THE SHIRT IN MY DIRTY CLOTHES.

UNREAL. FO REAL

If you can remember, I recently wrote two blogs pertaining to my roommate screwing up my credit by bouncing a check with our mortgage company and then almost doing it again the next month. Well, for a third time in 1 1/2 months time, Wells Fargo called me and let me know that we had a little problem. Basically, one of the checks couldnt be deposited because the legal description on the check was a different amount then the numerical amount. Guess whos check that was?



AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

THE GAS MAN

My roommate and I were having an Ambien induced cook off while discussing the prospective tenant who is waiting on our decision to stay or go. While we were discussing he cuts frozen soup out of the bag and then starts stabbing and pounding it with a sharp knife all while its heating. He continued to do this so as the soup warmed up it started to splash all around the kitchen. He thought he was being funny because we were both tweaked out on Ambien sleep aids, meanwhile, I'm still up somehow writing about this, I guess I need a stronger sleep aid. Right now its 3:45 AM. About two minutes ago I got up to get a drink of water and to turn on the air. I openened the door and instantly got hit with a blast of gas smell all up in my nose. It almost knocked me out. No it wasn't my roommate farting. I knew immediately what it was because he had cooked soup on the stove a few hours earlier. It had to be the stove. In fear of explosion, I ran down to the kitchen to turn it off. I slowly turned the knob to off and heard a click which I thought was the first sign of a chain reaction leading to my death. (I was on Ambien) Thank god that never happened. He could have killed us! IDIOT

And yet another fan

So now that my blog is blowing up with a total of three fans, im thinking that I have to go out and buy me some Bling. In the meantime, I dont know what to do because I think that I found somebody who wants to rent the house. A nice woman who will treat the place with some respect and get me out of those high utility bills. Do I really want to move out? What will happen to my blog? My roommate is actually down with moving out. We spoke breifly about it last night. Then he did some weird balerina dance to the bathroom. What a wacko. What should I do? If I had like 1,000 fans then maybe it would be worth staying in hell for another few months just so I could complete my impending book deal with Random House.

I dont know. All I know is that by November 1st I may be moving but dont worry people. I think I have enough stories to last a life time even if I don't continue to live with The Roommate.

One of my fans thinks i'm cool and wants to know more about me. Hmmm. What would you like to know fan?