Bad Roommate

Great Roommate Video

2011-11-14T15:59:00.000-08:00

Wow. This is a great one

2011-11-08T18:17:00.000-08:00

Here is a comment that was left on bad roommates.

I feel for this guy:

My roommate always feels the need to one up everyone's story and apparently he is the greatest at everything that has ever been invented. He also constantly belittles me and calls me a "dumb ass" just because I don't know all of his figures of speech as I am not even from the same country as he is. He also talks non-stop to me no matter what I am in the middle of which makes it nearly impossible to study in my room. He also likes to talk when you are trying to listen to music or relax and watch a movie. Also while in public he enjoys shouting out women's bra sizes to them which is extremely rude. I also made the mistake of throwing in a few shirts with his laundry and so now he wants me to pay for all of his laundry because I used up his money. Which is strange since his mom literally handed him the money for the laundry and yet he still harps at me to pay for his laundry. I know this isn't the worst roommate on the planet but I felt he was bad enough to share.

By Anonymous on Who has the best bad roommate story? on 9/29/11

Bad Roommate blog is back!!

2011-11-08T18:10:00.000-08:00

I noticed that my Bad Roommate blog has been copied recently. I wont give out any names or addresses but because of this I have decided to start the Bad-Roomates.blogspot.com blog back up again.

Send your bad roommate stories and feel free to ask questions and converse.

I no longer have a bad roommate, THANK YOU GOD but I am still well versed in how to deal with them.

Tell me about your roommates from hell! I want to hear.

How to Lose a Bad Roommate in 10 Days - iHomeConnect

2011-11-08T18:07:00.000-08:00

How to Lose a Bad Roommate in 10 Days - iHomeConnect

Bad Roommate Stories

2010-10-12T23:26:00.000-07:00

Im looking for some of your worst roommate stories. Please feel free to leave your bad roommates stories in the comment section.

New Roommates

2009-12-15T06:51:00.000-08:00

Its just not the same. I woke up this morning and had fresh coffee and fresh oatmeal and fresh smelling folded towels at the foot of my bathroom door. I just cant write anything bad about these roommates today. Shit, arent parents supposed to suck and annoy the hell out of you? I guess after all of these years of being without their three sons they are now welcoming one back as if they were their equal.

Wow

2009-12-14T14:25:00.000-08:00

Wow. Its been a really long time since ive last written here. I actually don't have a roommate anymore. Well,atleast not "the bad roommate". He now lives in California with his wife. I have talked to them maybe twice in a year and a half. As for me, I kind of just lied. I ended up doing a reality show for ABC and entered into a whirlwind that is just starting to slow down now. The lie was that i have roommates and they are my parents. hahahaha. Its ridiculous. I live in a bedroom with a crib at the end of my bed used for when my brother and his wife were waiting to settle on their new home with a new born baby. Its not like im in the room I grew up in with posters on the wall and old playboys under then bed. This room has a crib and wall paper and an old framed still life that you buy from Marshals. It feels good to be writing again in this space. Maybe for the short time that i am here in this house i can write about my parents asking me the same questions over and over again and how i usually ignore the questions or how my dad tried to punish me for putting a starbucks ice coffee in the trash can with some liquid left in it. Yeah my dad has always been anal. He's great though, i love him, but wow, his brain malfunctioned at some point in life. I have to read my moms emails on her blackberry for her because the font is too small. I'm thinkng about buying her that Gitterbug sp? phone that you see on late night informercials. Its a phone for old people with really large font. I am certainly in a transition phase in life and have become a D list celebrity for the time being. Thanks to the Bachelorette Jillian Harris dumping me on national tv twice. Sorry about my 4th grade writing skills people and my lack of editing but i just have too much on my plate right now for proof reading and correcting etc....I will be in touch soon with some funny parent stories. While I live here i may as well revamp this blog. I also would like to hear some of your bad roommate stories. At least my parents dont pee in the front yard like my old roommate or leave trash bags full of maggots in the kitchen.

OH MAN, THIS DIDNT REALLY HAPPEN, DID IT?

2008-08-27T10:42:00.000-07:00

Keep in mind that its been about a week since we settled on the house. Yesterday I received a phone call from the new owners and it went down like this.

My cell Phone Rings

"Hello"

"Hi is this blank (sorry I dont reveal my name)"

"yes this is blank"

"Hi blank its Blank the person who bought your house"

"Yes, hi Blank, hows everything going" (I asked this sensing that something was wrong)

"well, (here we go) is your car parked in the parking spot behind the house"

(I knew immediately what was going on)

"No, why, is there a car in the spot?"

"Yes......It's an SUV."

"Oh man, what kind of a car is it? is it a Jeep" She said Jeep as I was saying it.

"Yeah, a Jeep." She said

"UNBELIEVABLE (I started laughing) I'm so sorry, I have no idea why my roommates car would be in the driveway, its not our house anymore. Listen, Blank, my roommate is a bit scatter brained and probably doesn't even know where his car is right now and probably hasnt even thought about it in a week. "

"Really"

"Yeah, imagine how I feel, i lived with him for a few years. "

"I'm sorry"

"Yeah well listen, I am going to call him immediately and have somebody move it ASAP. I will call you back soon, when are you moving in"

"Tomorrow, so if somebody could get it out of there that would be great. If its not gone by tonight then we are going to tow it."

"Yeah do that, if they dont move it, then maybe he will learn."

I called my roommate and he didnt answer, so then I sent him two text messages, called his dad and left a message and called his brother who answered but didnt have a backup key. I also called his fiance who didnt answer.

Later in the day the new owner called back again to see if I had resolved the issue. I told her that I was still working on it and that I could assure her that somebody will move it by the next day.

After that phone call, my roommate texted me "Oh Shit, my car is still there? Nobody moved it? it was supposed to be moved"

I wrote back "Well, if you dont move it then it will be towed."

He called me back and said, dude, can you delay her from towing it until tomorrow? I'm in NYC and my dad is at the beach and my bro doesnt have a key."

I said, "NO f'ng way, you call her, im done with this place. How the hell do you not know where your car is? its crazy. Call her. "

The END

Move Out

2008-08-21T04:56:00.000-07:00

As expected, "the roommate" put me through misery until the very last possible minute of owning this house. Here is a recap of the last few days, starting with the settlement on Friday.

Friday comes around and I'm in heaven and ecstatic that we are finally settling on the house, getting our money out and I was celebrating the fact that I will never have a bad roommate again in my life. My roommate had been in another city for the past week or so for a med school rotation so he couldn't attend the settlement but his dad could so we had to prepare and fed ex him a power of attorney to give his dad permission to sign for him at Fridays settlement. Long story short; on the day of settlement, the title clerk noticed that the power of attorney was reversed so we couldn't get our money because of the hold up. We transferred title to the new owners which is good but now I had to wait until Monday to get the money. "Roommate would have to get a new power of attorney signed first and guess who would be the one to have to get this all orchestrated? Unreal. One would think that a med student would have read the documents they had sent him before signing and mailing. He signed above where it said his dads name, that should have been the first red flag alerting him to the fact that something on that original power of attorney was wrong. So I called my roommate over and over again the entire weekend while at the beach and he didn't answer or respond to my phone calls until Sunday when he finally didn't call but texted me back. "Hey, I'm sorry about power of attorney, I'll be back at the house on Sunday but I am headed right back to NYC and wont have anytime to get the new power of attorney signed till ateast Thursday."
No fucking way, I was thinking in my head. No way am I waiting that long to get the money from this bad roommate experience. I was to be paid for blogging out my life here for the past two years. I called him a few times after that and he finally answered. I tried not to freak out so I said, " dude, no fucking way, when you get back to the house on Sunday, do your best to find a notary who works on Sunday and get that thing signed, its sitting on the coffee table downstairs. This is really fucking unfair and you need to start thinking about other people in life, get that thing signed, I'll be back from the beach on Sunday. " Then hung up. Then I texted him that since he will be home Sunday, and since we will be moving for good mid week, that he should take out trash and clear out everything in the house that he doesn't need.

I get home from the beach on Sunday to a house still filled with all of his crap, the trash wasn't taken out, his stuff wasn't even packed up and he was gone. I couldn't believe it. The next day I woke up really early to start boxing and packing my stuff when his dad and his three nephews, two boys and a girl, ages ranging from 11 to 13, show up to help his dad pack all of his stuff for his movers on Wed. I was getting alot done on my side until his nephews showed up and asked me every 2 minutes if they could have something or if we were going to keep things. It was cute for the first hour but after that my patience was wearing thin. They kept finding this pepper spray that I keep just in case and were calling it pepper mint spray and wanted to use it in each others mouths like Bianca. sp? Then they were laying on my bed where all of my folded clothes were and talking about how my room is the hangout room. Fuck! Anyway, I left the house to eat lunch and to get away so I could regroup to come back and pack again which I did. So the next day, I wake up early again to finish my packing and to greet my movers who got there at 8 AM. My roommates stuff was still everywhere and we had trash and old furniture everywhere and I didnt know what to do. I called 1800-got junk who came over immediately, thank god, and took all the junk and old furniture before the movers started moving stuff out of the exits. This company I highly recommend. Anyway, my movers were good and finally got me moved out. At this point my stuff is out and I realize how much stuff my roommate still had sitting around for his movers on Wed. Last night late i was cleaning trash that his pre movers, his dad and nephews left and now im completely moved out. I just cant believe he wasnt around for his entire move out and how he didnt even think or care about it and let his dad and nephews move all his shit for him. That is weird and crazy and unfair to me and he should of had this stuff planned before his med school rotation. So yesterday, I get a text from him, "yo, do you mind getting the cable boxes that my dad left at the house and delivering them to my new address, he forgot them"
My answer, "yes I mind"
I got my money and got my life back.

The end. BUT GREAT SUCCESS, NO MORE ROOMMATE!

ENERGY BILL

2008-08-11T11:25:00.000-07:00

ELECTRIC BILL LAST MONTH WHILE ROOMMATE WAS GONE FOR THE MONTH $200

ELECTRIC BILL FOR JULY WHEN ROOMMATE WAS MOSTLY HOME FOR THE MONTH $400.

WTF?

Should I have to pay this difference ? Please let me know people. Thanks

The Good Roommate

Settlement and Broken Air

2008-07-22T21:04:00.000-07:00

Tonight, while sitting with a friend and drinking scotches at a local steak house bar, I received a CC of an email that my roommate sent to his dad concerning the coming settlement of our house. Keep in mind that there are three names on the deed, me, him and his dad. The house settles on August 15th and we are allowed to live here until the 23rd. He has known these dates for close to 4 months since the house first went under contract. Anyway, the Carbon Copy email to his dad was alerting him that settlement was on the 23rd, which is wrong. Its on the 15th and you would think, that somebody who owns a house, who is settling and making money on that house, would know the date of their own settlement. Listen, he is a busy person; getting married soon, in med school, etc etc.....however, have some respect and know your own settlement date. My friend who was drinking with me tonight even knew that the email and date was wrong before I even said anything. I'm the one who is going to have to set up the closing, and order a power of attorney so his dad can sign for him, but how is this all going to happen if he cant even get the dates straight. Anyway, im drunk, but on top of that email I received tonight when I get home and the air conditioner is broken. Its fucking 80 degress in my room right now. Im piseed. I got home from being away for the weekend on Sunday, and when I got home the house was freezing and thermostat was on 60 degrees and Ive told him in the past that if you keep it that low then its going to break. Well, it broke again but he never realizes that he is doing anything wrong. its absolutely crazy.

Things that have gone wrong.

2008-07-21T14:01:00.000-07:00

1. Dirty hospital scrubs are back. After having an in depth conversation about this and how much it bothers me, they are back. A huge pile of nasty, dirty hospital scrubs all over the floor. There is blood on them.

2. I went food shopping and I found the food that I bought hidden in his special kosher cabinet.

3. He was gone for almost a month last month and it was the first time that my electric bill was normal and remember that energy prices are really high now so if I think they are normal now, imagine how I high they usually are. I get back last night and the thermostat is set to 60 degrees. Come on dude. I have told you over and over again how thermostats work. idiot.

4. I cleaned the place about two weeks ago, he came back to the house and a few days later the place is slowly becoming a filthy nightmare. crumbs and debris stuck to the bottom of my socks when I walk around the house.

5. Inexplicable feeling of a film of filth on my skin after a few days of the roommate being back.

6. Fridge fills up with weeks worth of leftovers from takeout. Can never find the food I bought. He never throws anything out.

7. How do you soak the outside shower curtain?

8. what is that crap on the bathroom wall?

Vegas and Racoon strikes again

2008-07-15T12:14:00.000-07:00

Nothing eventful with the roommate in Vegas. Even if anything happened, I wouldnt have remembered so I will give other stories.

I went food shopping after Vegas and spent about 200 dollars on food. I got home at around 11 PM and made a really late dinner. After I ate, I went upstairs, showered to rid myself of gym filth and then went to bed to watch some TV.

As expected, I hear the Racoon's bedroom door open and then footsteps down the stairs to the kitchen. I heard things being unwrapped and banging noises and microwave beeping and doors opening and closing. This went on for about 10 minutes and then footsteps back upstairs to the sound of a closing bedroom door.

I got up to go to the kitchen to see what damage had been incurred. I opened the cabinet where I put the snacks and realized that everything had been opened. I bought a ton of snacks and three packs of these crackers that I like but also three different flavors of them and they had ALL had been opened but in the most annoying way. Everything I bought would surely be moldy or stale within two days. He ripped these snacks open with wild abandon, unlike a normal human who knows food goes bad. It was like he was at a restaurant and couldnt decide on something so he ordered the sampler but ate a tiny piece of everything in the sampler and then moved on like a bear invading a cabin.

What the F dude?

White Trash Buddha

2008-07-01T22:19:00.000-07:00

So early this morning at 7 AM, I will be on a flight to Vegas where I along with 12 other friends will be celebrating my roommates bachelor party. I promise that I'll bring back many postable stories about the trip and my roommate follies. For those of you who actually read this blog, I just want to let you know, that the house is definitely, finally sold and the roommate saga will officially end at the end of August. I should have at least 2 to 3 more entries by then .

One more thing. I was a little too excited to go to vegas earlier and I did something stupid. I decided to trim my chest hair but I guess I am no barber because I couldnt make it look even and as I trimmed it started looking worse and worse so there was only one last thing to do. Shave. I shaved my chest but then realized how stupid it looked with a bare chest and a hairy stomach so there was only one last thing to do, Shave my stomach. You have no idea. I look like white trash Buddha. There is no way my shirt is coming off at the pool. Fuck, im not young anymore. I guess you grow body hair for a reason. To cover the parts that got fat or ugly.

I look like white fucking trash Buddha. Its ok. I guess I'll just have to G.U.E at the pool or bars or Go Ugly Early.

END OF AN ERA

2008-05-21T15:24:00.001-07:00

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. THE HOUSE IS OFFICIALLY SOLD. WOW. ITS THE END OF AN ERA. I CANT BELIEVE THAT I'VE BEEN IN THIS HOUSE FOR ALMOST 5 YEARS. WHO SAYS THAT TIME DOESNT FLY WHEN YOUR ROOMMATE MAKES YOU CRAZY. ANYWAY, ITS TIME TO MOVE ON AND FIND A NEW PLACE TO LIVE WITHOUT A ROOMMATE. LET ME LIFE BEGIN.

I'm happy that my roommate and I are still friends and that we are going to have a great time in Vegas on his bachelor party but holy shit, I almost killed him multiple times. A MESSAGE TO THE ROOMMATE. I KNOW YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS BLOG AND I HOPE THAT YOU REALIZE THAT YOU ARE A SCUMBAG. hahahahaha.

peace out.

GREAT MOVIE kind of

2008-05-14T14:02:00.000-07:00

Two Offers

2008-05-14T13:36:00.000-07:00

Ok. So I haven't posted for a while because my roommate was up in NYC with his fiance and I was busy trying to sell this house. I mean, I must have done a pretty good job because I have two offers coming in tonight and possibly a third. So this blog will definitely be coming to a real end soon. I want all my readers to know that I am pushing to turn this into a movie even if I have to make it myself.

Peace

Movie Studios

2008-05-03T21:00:00.001-07:00

Still have a for sale sign on my house but hopefull pretty soon this bad roommate blog will be over. In the meantime, I want all you movie studios out there to know that I can see that you have been viewing this blog on my site meter and am ready to star in and help write the film because only I have witnessed first hand how bad The Roommate is and have many stories that have yet to be posted because they are simply being withheld to be used as leverage.

Who will be the first to make me an offer to option my blog?

Only time will tell.

Bag of Potatoes

2008-05-03T20:48:00.000-07:00

I just found a bag of Potatoes in a kitchen cabinet that is rarely used. Its really one of those junk type drawers that all kitchens seem to have. Anyway, I pulled the bag that was stuffed in there out and noticed that there was something unlike I have ever seen in my life growing on these red potatoes.

There were these thorny, white, thick horns popping out of all of the potatoes and they were so overgrown that they pierced the plastic bag and started growing around it. It was truly odd and only my roommate could somehow create a new potato virus/monster. The tentacles were stuck to the inside of the cabinet and looked like octopus tentacles. Its so weird and I think that a scientist should look at this because surely some new vaccine could be made from this new species or a new super virus is living in my house.

HE SHIT ON THE PLUMBERS

2008-04-22T19:44:00.001-07:00

This is unbelievable. This story should be a NYTimes Best Seller in itself.

So the house needed a brand new sewer line which is not a cheap undertaking. The sinks in the house were blocked up for almost a month and it smelled so bad that my friends came in the house, started cracking up and then ran out.

Finally, the plumbers came out on a nice sunny day and started digging two 11 foot holes, one in the front patio and one out at street level. Digging those holes was not an easy feat. It took them most of the day.

At around 1:30 I came home from an appointment, set my lap top up outside where they were doing work and started doing some work while watching the plumbers progress. I touched some type of sludge on the outside table so I went back inside to the kitchen to wash off what could have been sewer line slime off of my hand. Right as I turned the sink on and started washing one of the plumbers came in and said, "excuse me, can you please try to limit the water use while the work is being done." I said, sure, sorry, but was thinking, wow, water must really leave the house to the sewer quickly. I finished drying my hands and walked back out to the front door but heard water running upstairs. I sat and listened and it didnt shut off. It sounded as if a toilet was left running. I went upstairs to check and realized that my roommates bedroom door was closed. Its never closed unless he is home and he is rarely home during the day. I called out his name and he responded "Yeah?" So he was home.

"did you use the toilet?"

"Yeah?" he responded"

"first of all, you left the handle up and second, (I started yelling) "Do you not remember that you just paid close to 2 grand to have plumbers here all day?"

He responded, "Oh shit!, I took a crap"

I said " Are you a fucking retard? How the fuck are you so stupid"

Long story short, I knew the water from the kitchen sink couldnt have made it out of the house that quickly, and no wonder the plumber seemed so pissed. They were in the 11 foot deep holes at the same time my roommate shit. He shit on the plumbers. What an idiot.

What and idiot.

2008-04-04T05:54:00.000-07:00

He cooked a full dinner and then went up to his room and never came back down to eat the frozen pizza and frozen dinner that he microwaved.

Hold on Hold on.....I'm back....How can I quit while I still live here

2008-03-31T15:00:00.000-07:00

I have to write again right now.

This weekend was a dream. The house was semi clean, just the way I like it, I didnt hear my roommates voice through walls on the same phone conversations he always has, I didnt see anything crazy or weird go on in the house. Yes, he was out of town and it was great.

So sunday night I was hanging out with a girl, in my room, and around 10 PM, I heard the sonic boom voice coming in through the front door and knew my dream of a weekend had come to an end. The girl in my room (I never mention names on this site, sorry girl in my room) got a real kick out of what happened next. I went through every detail of what was going to happen next.
She was there and witnessed the banging of the bathroom drawers, the loud voice, the finger nail clipping that goes on forever and last but definitely not least the inevitable filing of the fingers on the metal mesh ikea trash can. She was cracking up that I told her what was going to happen all before it actually happened all without even seeing him.

Anyhow, I get up the next morning and after my dream of a weekend notice that he, again, left every light on in the house and somehow seemed to have jammed the metal stopper into the drain to the point where it wont come out. My sink is now clogged with the stopper. What the F.

ITS A WRAP

2008-03-27T21:22:00.001-07:00

THIS IS MY FINAL BLOG ENTRY. THERE IS ONLY SO MUCH THAT ONE PERSON CAN WRITE ABOUT ONE SUBJECT. I AM ACTIVELY SEARCHING FOR TENANTS FOR THE HOUSE AND I WILL NEVER LIVE WITH SOMEONE AGAIN UNLESS ITS A GIRLFRIEND OR WIFE. BUT WHO KNOWS WHEN THAT WILL BE. To EVERYONE WITH BAD ROOMMATEs. GET OUT IMMEDIATELY. LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO BE STUCK IN SITUATIONS YOU DO NOT WISH TO BE STUCK IN.

A BOOK WILL FOLLOW. "The Bad Roommate" will also be a major motion picture someday. I have already been approached by a few production companies. Wish me luck. Thank You and Goodbye! MUCH LOVE TO ALL MY READERS.

Oh and the motion picture deal was a lie and same with being approached by producers.

The Good Roommate

WEIRDDDDDD-----BUT MY ROOMMATE IS IN THIS EPISODE

2008-03-25T18:54:00.000-07:00

Jizz in his bed

2008-03-25T18:46:00.003-07:00

I think I may

The Roommate Song

2008-03-25T18:38:00.000-07:00

KEYS

2008-03-25T16:31:00.000-07:00

Where the fuck are all the mother fucking keys to my mother fucking own house.

I swear, he has handed out keys to his dad, his mom, his brother and my backups just keep going missing.

His Fiance was in this weekend and took the last set of keys. Its un fucking real.

Geezus.

Episode 4

2008-03-17T15:38:00.000-07:00

Trash Night

2008-03-16T20:53:00.001-07:00

Got home from my cousins house at 11 PM Sunday night. All the lights are on in the house. Roommate and fiance are in his room talking and listening to music. I yell " Trash night!"

I brush my teeth, and yell "Trash night!"

Finish brushing and dont hear anymore talking or music.

Fuckers. Its all their trash and they ignored me. Plus, left all the lights on.

Crazy, no respect.

HAHAHAAHA OH MY G-D

2008-03-14T08:36:00.000-07:00

ROOMMATE AND THE FIANCE HAVE BEEN FIGHTING FOR THE PAST 15 MINUTES ABOUT HER NOT WANTING HIM TO GET A HAIRCUT RIGHT NOW. HAHAHHA

LIKE A FULL ON FIGHT.

HER " I really don't think you should get a haircut"

HIM "I dont like the way its laying, I need a haircut and I wont have time to get a haircut in the next few weeks, im too busy"

HER "yeah buts its already so short"

HIM " Yeah but I need it reshaped, its to puffy over here"

HER "But its not going to help that, I like it now, Please dont cut it"

OH god,,,,,,,He just said,

HIM: "I cant go to work with long soap opera hair" HAHAHA

HER "Its not long soap opera hair"

PEOPLE YOU HAVE NO IDEA------THIS IS STILL GOING......THEY ARE LITERALLY STILL FIGHTING OVER HIM GETTING A HAIRCUT.....I DONT FEEL LIKE TYPING TODAY, BUT THIS IS ON THE TOP OF THE LIST OF WORLD MOST RETARDED THINGS.

HAHAHAHA ITS CRAZY.

Geezus.

2008-03-11T15:58:00.000-07:00

I dont know how or why he does it but he cranks the heat in the morning for no apparent reason. It runs all day and we get high gas and electric bills. I just dont understand why he doesnt understand how a thermostat works. Dude, its not going to get any warmer sooner in the morning if you turn it to 75 versus a normal temperature. It will get to the temp you want then shut off. Why cant you realize that.

I guess he gets cold in the morning. Whats the space heater in your room for? Just use that and dont wake me up in a heat stroke.

Geezus

HARRY POTTER BAD ROOMMATE EPISODE 3

2008-03-10T17:20:00.000-07:00

New Carpets

2008-03-09T16:30:00.000-07:00

In a desperate act to try and rent this house faster, we have installed brand new carpets in the finished basement and the bedrooms. The house looks great. In the meantime, I am giving the roommate about a week before he breaks all of the new house rules. Number 1, no eating in the rooms with new carpet and Number 2, no sneakers or shoes on the new carpets.

How long do you people think its going to take for my roommate to break these rules? I give him 3 days maximum. Probably 2.

We'll see. If something goes wrong I will be sure and take a picture of the infraction.

And yet another episode of WILL IT BLEND

2008-03-06T20:26:00.001-08:00

Bad Roommate starring Harry Potter Episode 2

2008-03-06T08:37:00.000-08:00

HEY MICE, ITS GREAT IN HERE. COME ON IN

2008-03-05T08:09:00.001-08:00

The exterminator has told us not to eat upstairs or bring food outside the kitchen because even a sesame seed on the ground will attract them from outside. This was the scene this morning after almost three years of telling my scum roommate to not eat in his room. Remember for people who don't read this blog daily, about 2 years ago there was a mouse in my bed with me. Ever since then I have developed a nervous tic. I see a shadow or hear something and I cant sleep and freak out. Thanks roommate. Good Morning mice, for todays meal we have Bag of Granola on the floor near tanning goggles and a lovely meat and rice pie on desk. Bon Appetite!

This guy is crazy (this is not about the roommate)

2008-03-04T21:49:00.001-08:00

There are a few things that are awsomely weird about this. He may be a gay pedophile (I mean, his last name is Dickson) but either way, this is one of my favorite shows on the net AKA The World Wide Web. Man can this guy blend.

DR EVIL LOVES DESTRUCTION

Pigs Feet in the living room when I wanted to watch tv

2008-03-03T19:00:00.000-08:00

My roommate Hannibal Lecter

Why is the water still running?

2008-03-02T18:48:00.001-08:00

I was trying to sleep and I hear the shower go on. 15 minutes later I realize why our water bills are so high. I heard my roommate talking on the phone and realized that he still had not even gotten into the shower. I wish I could take a picture of what happened next but he is in the bathroom right now. Anyway, I get up and open my door right when he comes out of the bathroom fully dressed. I said, dude, why are you just letting the water run. I looked into the bathroom and saw his sport coat and and white coat from school hanging on the shower curtain bar. He wasn't even showering. He was steaming his clothes on my water bill. Does that even work? We have an iron.

Please people. Do I have a right to be a little upset. Like a tiny bit upset ? I think he thought I was being ridiculous when I said that he was doing that on my water bill.

I wish this was my roommate

2008-02-28T12:26:00.000-08:00

Harry Potter is a bad roommate

2008-02-27T20:57:00.000-08:00

The Sonic voice

2008-02-27T17:30:00.001-08:00

This is what I hear every night even with my door closed. Wait until the end to really here his sonic abilities. Its usually at that level most of the time

I dont have a green roommate

2008-02-27T17:20:00.001-08:00

What a waste of money to run the dishwasher with basically nothing in it.

This is crazy

2008-02-27T16:13:00.000-08:00

I'm 28 years old and still living like a fraternity guy. I mean, I never thought that my life would turn into this. I really blame it all on the roommate. I'll tell you why.

For a year or two when we first moved in i tried to keep this house up to a cool bachelor standard. Meaning, I liked it to be clean but not too clean and wanted cool furniture and gadgets and such but after years of trying to fight an up hill battle of simply keeping this place mice free and sanitary my legs gave out. I couldnt do it anymore. Now I live like these pics. I would have trash cans but I dont know where my roommate put them.

What's with this shit?

2008-02-25T15:21:00.000-08:00

This is one of the first lessons my parents taught me. Open the Cereal boxes properly and then they will be able to close. Well, my roommate never learned this lesson.

Please see pics.

BACK DOOR OPEN

2008-02-23T13:07:00.000-08:00

Fucker left the back door open for the 4th time in a month. The funny thing is that he really thinks its me that does it but I will swear on my life its him. Its crazy. How do you leave your own house door wide open in a city?

Oh and congrats to me on my 100th post. Yippy.

Who has the best bad roommate story?

2008-02-21T13:21:00.000-08:00

I'm interested in hearing from anybody about their bad roommate stories. Please comment to this blog with your stories and I will post the best one/winner on my next blog entry. We have a panel of three voting on the best story.

Thanks,

R

Space heater

2008-02-18T08:28:00.000-08:00

Woke up this morning. Roommate and his fiance were gone already. All the lights were on and there was a space heater blasting toward a pile of clothes in his room. Meanwhile, its close to 70 f'ing degrees out today.

What the?

2008-02-15T11:26:00.000-08:00

Roommate and his fiance wake up this morning at the same time as me. I Walk into the hallway near the bathroom to let them know that we had two showing on the house today. Roommate said great. He goes down to the kitchen and comes back upstairs with a trash bag. "Yo, you have any trash in your room?"

"yeah, one sec." I got my trash and dumped it into the bag.

I could tell he was trying extra hard to show he was doing Something helpful, it was either because he was showing off for his girlfriend or because he felt really bad about everything that happened in the last week. Anyway, he takes his trash and dumps it in the bag and then the bathroom trash. While he was doing this I said goodbye and told them that I would be back at 1 pm to show the house.

I came back from my office, parked out front and introduced myself to the prospective tenants as we entered the house. My roommate and his girl were gone at that point. We went up stairs and I noticed the bag of trash that he was dumping was laying in the middle of the hallway basically with trash hanging out of it. Idiot. He dumped the trash and tried to do a good deed but then left the F'ing trash bag filled with the trash in the middle of the Hallway. He forgot to take the trash out. HAHA what an idiot.

HE TOOK MY FUCKING TOOTHPASTE

2008-02-11T19:15:00.000-08:00

THIS HAS ALL GONE WAY TOO FAR. LIKE 2 YEARS TOO FAR.

HE WENT TO VISIT HIS GIRLFRIEND UP IN NYC AFTER WORK TODAY. BEFORE HE LEFT, HE WAS SUPPOSED TO CLEAN HIS PILES OF SMELLY ASS CLOTHES OUT OF THE LAUNDRY ROOM AND CLEAN UP AFTERWARD FOR THE PEOPLE WHO WERE COMING TO LOOK AT THE HOUSE. AS SOME OF YOU KNOW, I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO RENT THIS HOUSE FOR SOME TIME NOW. AFTER 5 WEEKS HE FINALLY MOVED HIS PILES OF SHIT BUT DIDNT CLEAN UP. I WAS JUST HAPPY HE WAS GONE FOR A NIGHT then........

I CAME UP STAIRS TO GET READY FOR BED LIKE THE GOOD WORKING CHAP THAT I AM BUT WAIT! WHERE'S THE TOOTHPASTE I BOUGHT A FEW DAYS BEFORE?????? LET'S ALL GUESS TOGETHER?

YEP. BOYS AND GIRLS, THE FUCKING ROOMATE TOOK MY MOTHER FUCKING TOOTHPASTE. WHO THE FUCK IS THAT SELFISH? HIS GIRLFRIEND DOESNT HAVE TOOTHPASTE??

ALL I KNOW IS THAT EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE SOMETHING LIKE THIS HAPPENS AND ITS NOT RIGHT. SO IM TAKING A VOTE. SHOULD I ATTEND HIS BACHELOR PARTY AND WEDDING?? I'M STARTING TO QUESTION THE FRIENDSHIP AND WHETHER OR NOT I SHOULD SPEND ONE MORE DOLLAR ON ANYTHING ASSOCIATED WITH A FRIEND ON THIN ICE.

GROCERIES FOR THE ANIMAL KINGDOM

2008-02-09T13:59:00.001-08:00

So everyone knows that my roommate broke the new vacuum machine I bought. He assured me that he would go out and buy a new one on his next day off. Well, he called into the hospital on his next day off and the vacuum never came. Last night he said, "Yo, my dad is coming over tonight or tomorrow to bring groceries and maybe a vacuum. Ok?"

"um ok" What did he want me to say to that.

He had a bag packed and said that he was headed back to the hospital.

His dad never showed up last night. This afternoon I went out the front door to go for a run and noticed that there were about 7 bags of groceries just sitting there. His dad must have had trouble getting into the house so he just left the groceries on the stoop. Meanwhile there were squirrels everywhere. I must have gotten there at the right time because it didn't look like they ate any of the food. They were def about to tear shit up. Anyway, where is my roommate and what were they going to do if I wasn't home? It would have been another front yard disaster. Cats, squirrels and possums would have had a freakin field day. GEEZUS.

To makes things worse. I was the one who had to unpack all of the groceries and put everything away making sure that animals didn't rip through the food. There was a vacuum in one of the bags but obviously any vacuum that can fit in a grocery bag isnt nearly a replacement for the one I bought and he broke. He got a dust buster.

Just another thing I didn't want to do or want to think about.

WHY GOD?

2008-02-04T20:32:00.003-08:00

How did he already break the semi nice, brand new vacuum cleaner that I bought about a month ago! What the Fuck? I went to clean the house today and it wouldnt go on. He said, oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, I broke the vacuum machine. I ALMOST SERIOUSLY LOST IT. NEVER BEEN SO CLOSE TO GOING MAD. I KNEW I WAS CLOSE BECAUSE NEVER IN MY LIFE HAVE I BEEN RIGHT BETWEEN CRACKING UP AND KILLING SOMEBODY. THATS SOMETHING MAD PEOPLE DO? I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO DO BUT IT FELT AS IF MY HEAD WAS GOING TO POP THE FUCK OFF, SO I WENT TO THE KITCHEN AND SMASHED A GLASS IN THE SINK. People who know me can vouch that I do not have an anger problem, but he seems to have pushed me towards the edge of sanity.

"How? You are a nightmare. I swear, I freaking nightmare. How the hell did you break it"

"I accidentally ripped a piece off the back of it. "

So now, we have a broken sewer pipe from our house to the street, a broken vacuum and new carpets. Obviously I am the one who is arranging all of this work to be done; with a grand total of $4500.

This place is as close to hell as one can get. Please somebody rent this house, Please.

WHY GOD?

2008-02-04T20:32:00.001-08:00

Plumbing problems

2008-01-29T19:14:00.000-08:00

I have to laugh sometimes. Comedy is the visual and verbal cognitive dissonance of sufferers. Transforming hardship and annoyance into laughter.

This morning my roommate stuck around for the plumber who had to come to clear out the sewage main from our house to the sewer line. I had to go to work. I got a call a few hours later from my roommate.

"dude, They are still here and they cant seem to fix the problem so they are going to come back later with a super powered tool that should power through the clog. "

"Ok, will you be there for that?"

"Yeah"

"good, because im too busy with work"

Later on, he text messaged me- "can you do me a favor if you come home soon? Pick up some water and hard wood for the fireplace"

Recently my roommate has been on a weird fireplace kick where he sits in front of it and stares. Then builds another one.

I wrote him back "No"

A few minutes later I received another text saying "dude, I could really go for some hard wood"

What a freak but i have to admit it was funny.

So when I got back home, there was shit, mud water all over the back driveway. long story short is that they couldn't fix the problem and tomorrow morning they are coming back with the Foreman to dig up the driveway. It sucks because its going to be a couple grand, but I'm used to it. This is the fucking money pit.

Anyway, after a long day of work my roommate comes into my room and says:

"so I want to give you an update. They couldn't fix the problem and they said to limit the water use, so I think that we should piss in the yard."

He was completely serious.

I said, "are you fucking kidding me? for real? you think we should pee in the yard? Dude, the plumbing has been fucked for a few weeks now, and Im the one who called the plumber, you have been peeing in the toilet for the past few weeks so I think its ok for you to continue to pee in the toilet until they get this fixed. "

"well I really think that we should pee in the yard"

I was thinking, what the fuck? What the fuck is wrong with him: "dude, dont pee in the yard. You are 29 and we have neighbors and its not fair to them or me who is a half owner of this house. DO NOT PEE IN MY YARD. PLEASE.

"i dont know, I think we should"

"DUDE, WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO SHIT????? YOU GONNA SHIT IN THE FUCKING YARD TOO??? BECAUSE IF YOU ARENT, THEN DONT PEE IN THE FRONT YARD. OK?

THE END. ....

Just Got Home

2008-01-27T23:22:00.000-08:00

Its pretty late right now Monday morning. I just got home from a long weekend away in Florida. I was praying in the cab ride home that my roommate took the trash out. Sunday is trash night and has been for years.

The cab pulled up in front of the house and I noticed two very important things. One, roommates car was parked which meant he was home. Two, everyones trash was out front except for ours. FUCK!

I went inside and saw the same trash bags on the kitchen table that were there when I left on Friday morning. I just put sticky notes on his mirror in the bathroom explaining basically how he is the worst roommate that ever lived. His excuse tomorrow will be " OHH dude, im so sorry, I was so tired after this weekend and after all the family shit that I just forgot. I'll do it next weekend. No he wont

another drunken rant

2008-01-22T22:17:00.001-08:00

All I know is that there are plenty of people out there like me. People stuck in situations that they never thought they would be stuck in. The trick is trying to turn a bad situation into a good one. Its kind of like Alchemy. This blog was my way of taking a crappy situation and turning it into something positive and constructive. I think that the world should learn from my microcosm of a situation with my roommate and use constructive and positive actions to better itself but its not so easy. I mean, why cant we all communicate effectively? One would think it would be an easy proposition. Ok, I will listen to you, and you listen to me and we will work everything out, it will be simple and we will turn the world into a better place. No. It just doesnt work that way. Why? Well, use my roommate and I as an example. I try to be civil and work things out and let him know that he is being a scum bag or he is doing something that bothers me or fucks up my credit and am missing all my underwear and I communicate these concerns in what I think to be an effective manner but it doesnt seem to ever sink in. Its a shitty situation and its the same situation that the world as a whole seems to be in currently. Communication is just the first step in what seems to be a larger problem that may never be solved. Everyone has their own agenda and some are so consumed by that agenda that communication fails to leave a strong enough imprint on the minds of the communicatee because that person, entity or country doesnt care enough or is so consumed in their own agenda that the message is never really felt. It may be communicated, and heard, but not felt enough to ever really be communicated. Feeling is the answer to effective communication but its rare and even if its felt personal agendas seem to prosper. The world is what it is and will always be an ever power struggling, hateful place until people really, truly leave their agendas and care as much about others then they do themselves but just like alchemy its most likely an impossible proposition. So I recommend that everyone in my situation buys a tazer gun and really electrocutes the fuck out of the person while you are talking to them, that way, they will really get the point.

NO MORE MILK!!!!! SHITTTTTT

2008-01-16T13:40:00.000-08:00

Woke up this morning and the first thought on my mind was Cereal. Cereally, all I wanted was my almond crunch cereal badly. I ran downstairs and noticed that the box of cereal was left out and open on the kitchen counter top. I knew exactly what to expect next but was optimistic that he didnt finish all the milk. I opened the fridge slowly and went to grab the milk that I had gone out of my way to buy two days earlier. As if in slow motion I grabbed the milk and it weighed close to nothing. He left me with enough milk to fill maybe a quarter of a bowl of cereal. WHAT THE FUCK. How did he manage to just about polish off an entire gallon of milk in one night!!!! Just finish the fucking milk. It would be less annoying. Geezus.

He blamed it on sleeping pills.

Bullshit.

Lost Phone Charger

2008-01-15T21:08:00.000-08:00

My roommate talks to his girlfriend on the phone ALOT, (He just got engaged) Understandable, for they are in a long distance relationship.

The problem is that my roommate lost his cell charger again so he needs to borrow my phone at night after his phone dies. He just woke me up by knocking on my door. I asked what he wanted. He opened my door and said " hey dude, can I borrow your phone for 20 minutes?"

"Yeah, but im going to bed soon,."

"ok, ill leave it in the bathroom"

"you, cant. Its my alarm clock "

"ok, I just want to call her to say goodnight and i'll bring it back in"

I mean, its not that big of a deal but little things add up over time. Why dont I ever lose my cell phone charger? Why don't I clog sinks and toilets and the entire streets plumbing? How come I don't leave cereal all over the kitchen floor or forget to take out the trash for 4 months straight?

Who knows?

While im writing this he comes in to tell me that my phone died and that he needs to borrow my charger. Shit. I'm too old for this.

ISRAEL

2007-12-30T10:36:00.001-08:00

THANK GOD. MY ROOMMATE AND HIS GIRLFRIEND JUST LEFT FOR ISRAEL FOR A WEEK. THE PROBLEM IS, AND PEOPLE WHO READ MY BLOG KNOW, THAT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO GET MY CREDIT REPORT WORKED OUT FOR ABOUT THREE MONTHS. HE ASSURED ME, PROMISED ME IN FACT THAT HE WOULD WORK ON GETTING AN ONLINE APPLICATION TO THE CREDIT UNION BEFORE HE LEFT. THAT DIDNT HAPPEN.

YESTERDAY, I SAID, DUDE, BEFORE YOU LEAVE, PLEASE CLEAN UP THE ANIMAL EATEN TRASH BAGS THAT YOU LEFT ON THE FRONT PATIO THE DAY WHEN YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO CLEAN UP THE HOUSE FOR POTENTIAL RENTERS BUT DIDNT SO YOU THREW THE TRASH IN THE FRONT YARD AND LEFT IT. ANIMALS ATE THE CRAP OUT OF IT. OK, BUT CAN YOU HELP ME HE ASKED.

NO FUCKING WAY.

HE LEFT THIS MORNING AND THERE STILL THERE.

CRAZY THING IS THAT I HAVE TOLD HIM MANY TIMES THAT ANIMALS LIKE FOOD AND THERE IS FOOD IN TRASH. HE DID IT AGAIN. I DONT THINK HE GETS IT OR LEARNS FROM MISTAKES? JUST DOESNT REMEMBER FUCK UPS OF THE PAST ? COULD IT BE AN EARLY STAGE OF ALZHEIMERS?

SO HE LEFT FOR ISRAEL AND NOW IM STUCK WITH A TRASHED FRONT YARD AND A BAD CREDIT SCORE.

THANKS ROOMMATE FROM HELL. YOU'RE THE BEST!

FIRE PART 3

2007-12-27T10:55:00.001-08:00

GOT HOME YESTERDAY AND MY ROOMMATE LEFT THE HOUSE AND FORGOT HE WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF MAKING LUNCH. HE LEFT TWO SLICES OF BREAD ON ONE OF THOSE TOAST MASTER FLAT GRILL LIKE TOASTERS, TOASTING AT 400 DEGREES. CRAZY. I COME HOME AND SMELL SMOKE AND NOTICE THE CHARRED BREAD AND CHEESE LEFT OUT. I ALSO NOTICED THE REFRIGERATOR WAS LEFT WIDE OPEN. I CANT BELIEVE THIS. I HAVE LIVED HERE FOR 3 YEARS.

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-12-27T10:33:00.000-08:00

I GOT UP OUT OF BED AT AROUND 2 AM TO GET A GLASS OF WATER FROM THE KITCHEN. I WALKED DOWN THE STEPS IN THE DARK AND AT THE BOTTOM STEP I COLLAPSED. THE FUCKER LEFT HIS GOOFY ASS MED SCHOOL CLOGS RIGHT AT THE BOTTOM OF THE STEPS. I WAS ALREADY SORE DUE TO THREE HOURS OF BASKETBALL EARLIER IN THE DAY. MY ANKLE TWISTED AND I FUCKING COLLAPSED. GEEZUS. THE KID JUST DOESN'T THINK. I'M IN PAIN TODAY.

CREDIT CARD KILLER part 90

2007-12-22T15:33:00.001-08:00

So. My roommate still has not contacted the credit agency to fix my credit. He said on Thursday that it was the first thing on his list. I couldnt get a hold of him all day and then realized that his girlfriend was coming in. Long story shot. He didnt do it. Now I have to think about this shit over the New Years. Way to ruin mine dude/dick.

BROWN SPOTS ON THE CARPET

2007-12-20T10:10:00.001-08:00

I DONT KNOW HOW HE DID IT BUT THERE ARE THESE DIRTY BROWN SPOTS ALL OVER THE RIGHT SIDE OF HIS ROOM. THE CARPETS LOOK LIKE A DALMATION TOOK A SHIT IN HIS ROOM EVERY DAY FOR A YEAR. I MEAN, YOU OWN THIS HOUSE, HOW COULD YOU HAVE A DALMATION SHIT ON YOUR FLOOR EVERYDAY BRINGING MONEY OUT OF MY POCKET BECAUSE YOU AND I BOTH KNOW THAT THE CARPETS ARE GOING TO BE REPLACED SOON. NOBODY IS GOING TO RENT THIS PLACE WITH UBS ON THE FLOOR. UNIDENTIFIED BROWN SPOTS.

CREDIT

2007-12-20T10:07:00.001-08:00

SOME OF YOU MAY REMEMBER THAT MY ROOMMATE DESTROYED MY CREDIT BY BEING 30 DAYS LATE ON MORTGAGE PAYMENTS TWICE OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS. WELL, THE BANK TOLD ME THAT IF HE WRITES A LETTER TO THE CREDIT AGENCY SAYING THAT IT WASNT MY FAULT THEN MAYBE THEY WOULD TAKE THE BLIP OFF OF MY REPORT. I HAVE BEEN ASKING HIM TO DO THIS FOR ABOUT THREE MONTHS NOW AND IT STILL HASNT BEEN ACCOMPLISHED. CRAZY. I MEAN, COME ON DUDE, GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS AND HELP A FRIEND FIX HIS CREDIT SO HIS LIFE IS FUCKED BECAUSE OF SOMETHING YOU DID. ARE YOU FREAL?

Turn your voice down please

2007-11-29T13:08:00.000-08:00

My roommate had the audacity to tell me to turn the TV down at 11:30 at night while he stayed on the phone yelling and laughing for 3 hours after that.

When I went to sleep I yelled, "Can you please turn your voice down a little."

FIRE BURN PART 2

2007-11-29T12:57:00.000-08:00

So, I havent rented the house out yet but i'm still trying very hard, especially after two recent roommate situations. The first one I wrote about a month or two ago; Some of you may remember that my roommate left the gas seaping out of the stove all night, Then a few days ago I wrote a entry entitled "Fire Burn" about my roommate and his girlfriend making a fire in the fireplace

I bought a vaccum cleaner yesterday because I didnt feel like spending $110 for the cleaning girls to come over. I noticed something scary while vaccuming the main room where the fireplace is. There was a black thing on the floor near the fireplace. I thought it was a roach or a bug or something but at closer glance it was a chared wood ember, sitting above a burnt indent in the hardwood floors. He must not have noticed that the house almost burnt down while he and his girlfriend watched TV last Sunday. I noticed that he didnt close the fireplace screen door while the fire was burning. Crazy. I need to get a renter in here for peace of mind and to save my investment before he burns it down.

FIRE BURN!!

2007-11-26T17:20:00.001-08:00

MY Roommates girlfriend was in this past weekend. He built a fire on Sunday and made his girl some tea like a good boyfriend should do. I was sitting in the room watching TV getting ready to get up to leave this scene but was being lazy. The fire he built quickly burnt out so he scrambled around the house to find more "stuff" to burn. He came downstairs with the same mesh trash can he uses to file his nails and uses the trash in it as kindling. The problem is that he never learned that you cant burn magazines and glossy like paper. He was chucking calenders, printing paper and magazines into the fireplace. While watching TV I realized that I was having difficulty breathing. I turned around and saw him chucking all this crap in. The entire house started filling up with noxious smoke. That was yesterday.

Presently I am sitting here in the same room watching the Philadelphia Flyers game while eating delivery Chinese. The wind started blowing outside and all of a sudden that horrible smell is back. He didn't close the fucking flew and now there is this smelly dust everywhere. All I wanted to do was watch the flyer's game and eat in peace without having to smell the equivalent of a Cannibal BBQ.

My clothes smell too.

HEATER GUY

2007-10-31T12:56:00.000-07:00

I was expecting a heating and air conditioning guy this morning because the heat wasnt working. He called and said he was running a few minutes late so I jumped in the shower in the hopes that I would beat him. He must have rang the door bell while I was in the shower because I heard my roommates door open and felt the vibration of somebody running down the steps. As I left the bathroom, I looked down the steps right when my roommate was letting him in the front door. Once again, my roommate answered the door in nothing but tight ass boxer briefs. I couldnt believe that he did that again and what the hell was the heating guy thinking. The first time was with a Chinese food delivery guy Poor guy.

I was like dude, sorry about my roommate. He just always walks around in those things.

HA.

TANNING GOGGLES

2007-10-03T23:41:00.000-07:00

HAHAHAHA IT JUST GETS WEIRDER AND WEIRDER AROUND HERE.

I shouldn't have been snooping through my roommates room but I was for good reason. I was looking for missing socks and underwear.

As I was looking, I saw those plastic tanning goggles that people use in tanning Boothes on his bed. Then I opened a drawer where he keeps his socks and I found another pair of tanning goggles yet none of my socks. Then I went over to his computer desk and opened those drawers to find, what do you know, more tanning goggles. Its crazy because these things are like 10 bucks at the tanning place. Anyway, my mission changed after finding the tanning glasses at his computer desk. It was my goal to see how many pairs he owned. I found 7 pairs in his room.

Crazy.

Where the F is my food

2007-09-30T16:49:00.000-07:00

I went food shopping last week for the first time in a while. I basically gave up on food shopping a while back out of the pure frusteration of missing food. So I came home a few hours ago and while I was watching football games I

Manhood = Dong + Foreskin (unclipped)

2007-09-27T21:35:00.000-07:00

Sitting at my desk tonight still trying to learn about finance stuff while watching the Phillie's game my roommate comes in with pajama pants, no shirt to cover his hairy, sonic boom chest and carrying his own chair. He sits uncomfortably close to me and begins to watch the game without speaking a word. When I say close, I mean like we are at a real baseball game close.

I said, " Uh, dude. Why did you just sit so close to me?" I am comfortable with my manhood but its just weird that he brought a chair into my room and placed it so close to me and with no shirt on. Its hilariously bazaar.

I go back to work and he says right behind me, "yo, man.....its just me and you....What do you want to do about it?"

"Get out of my room. You are annoying me."

"Dude, are you just jealous that im going to be a doctor and you just a salesman?"

"No, not at all, I just think that you are being a little too gay for me right now and you need a time out, A long one...Maybe like 5 years. "

"Yeah, I do need a long one, is yours long?"

" GET OUT OF MY ROOM"

NAIL CLIPPING

2007-09-25T17:54:00.000-07:00

Im sitting in my room at my desk trying to read about stock valuation while my roommate clips his nails in the bathroom. I swear from the sound of it, if you didnt know him and have never seen him you would think he has 12 arms and 8 legs.

After he is finished he will go to his room and use his ikea mesh trash can as a nailfile.

shit close call. While I was typing that he came in with the trash can and I couldnt minimize the screen. This blog was almost revealed

TV

2007-09-25T17:39:00.000-07:00

My roommate is watching TV right now and I'm almost sure that the entire street can hear it.

MISSING SHIRT. NO MISSING PANTS

2007-09-21T14:33:00.000-07:00

A FEW MINUTES AGO I WAS LOOKING AROUND MY HOUSE FOR A PARTICULAR SHIRT THAT I WANTED TO WEAR TO DINNER WITH MY FAMILY. I COULDNT FIND IT SO OF COURSE I AUTOMATICALLY THOUGHT THAT MY ROOMMATE WORE MY NEW SHIRT. I'M SURE YOU WOULD TOO. WHILE BEGINING TO FREAK OUT I DECIDED TO CHECK HIS ROOM TO SEE IF HE HAD IT SOMEHWERE. MEANWHILE, HIS ROOM IS LITERALLY PILES OF CLOTHES RIGHT NOW, IM NOT JOKING, HIS ENTIRE ROOM IS COVERED IN PILES OF CLOTHES TO THE POINT WHERE YOU CANT SEE THE FLOOR.
I STARTED FLIPPING THROUGH THE HANGING CLOTHES IN HIS CLOSET AND WHAT DO I FIND? NOT THE SHIRT I WAS LOOKING FOR BUT THE TWO PAIRS OF VERY EXPENSIVE DRESS PANTS THAT I HAVE BEEN BLAMING MY DRY CLEANERS FOR LOSING FOR ABOUT 5 MONTHS NOW. WHAT THE FUCK. I ASKED HIM MULTIPLE TIMES OVER THE PAST FEW MONTHS IF HE HAD SEEN THEM. OBVIOUSLY, HE SAID NO.

WHAT A DICK. SO I HAVE BEEN STUCK WEARING WEARING PLEATED PANTS TOWARDS THE END OF THE WEEK BECAUSE OF HIM. I HATE PLEATS AND GIRLS DONT LIKE THEM EITHER

I FINALLY FOUND THE SHIRT IN MY DIRTY CLOTHES.

UNREAL. FO REAL

2007-09-19T13:18:00.000-07:00

If you can remember, I recently wrote two blogs pertaining to my roommate screwing up my credit by bouncing a check with our mortgage company and then almost doing it again the next month. Well, for a third time in 1 1/2 months time, Wells Fargo called me and let me know that we had a little problem. Basically, one of the checks couldnt be deposited because the legal description on the check was a different amount then the numerical amount. Guess whos check that was?

AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

THE GAS MAN

2007-09-18T00:42:00.000-07:00

My roommate and I were having an Ambien induced cook off while discussing the prospective tenant who is waiting on our decision to stay or go. While we were discussing he cuts frozen soup out of the bag and then starts stabbing and pounding it with a sharp knife all while its heating. He continued to do this so as the soup warmed up it started to splash all around the kitchen. He thought he was being funny because we were both tweaked out on Ambien sleep aids, meanwhile, I'm still up somehow writing about this, I guess I need a stronger sleep aid. Right now its 3:45 AM. About two minutes ago I got up to get a drink of water and to turn on the air. I openened the door and instantly got hit with a blast of gas smell all up in my nose. It almost knocked me out. No it wasn't my roommate farting. I knew immediately what it was because he had cooked soup on the stove a few hours earlier. It had to be the stove. In fear of explosion, I ran down to the kitchen to turn it off. I slowly turned the knob to off and heard a click which I thought was the first sign of a chain reaction leading to my death. (I was on Ambien) Thank god that never happened. He could have killed us! IDIOT

And yet another fan

2007-09-17T15:16:00.000-07:00

So now that my blog is blowing up with a total of three fans, im thinking that I have to go out and buy me some Bling. In the meantime, I dont know what to do because I think that I found somebody who wants to rent the house. A nice woman who will treat the place with some respect and get me out of those high utility bills. Do I really want to move out? What will happen to my blog? My roommate is actually down with moving out. We spoke breifly about it last night. Then he did some weird balerina dance to the bathroom. What a wacko. What should I do? If I had like 1,000 fans then maybe it would be worth staying in hell for another few months just so I could complete my impending book deal with Random House.

I dont know. All I know is that by November 1st I may be moving but dont worry people. I think I have enough stories to last a life time even if I don't continue to live with The Roommate.

One of my fans thinks i'm cool and wants to know more about me. Hmmm. What would you like to know fan?

SUCCESS! and short new roommate info

2007-09-13T08:07:00.001-07:00

I RECIEVED ANOTHER POST FROM SOMEBODY I DONT KNOW TODAY. I APPRECIATE THE POST. ITS VERY COMFORTING KNOWING THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO FEEL FOR ME AND SUPPORT MY CAUSE. I MAY START A NON PROFIT FOR PEOPLE LIKE ME.

So, I am showing the house today to a prospective tenant. My roommate knew that he had to help clean the house enough to be presentable. I woke up this morning to the typical slamming bathroom cabinets and hairdryer and noticed that he had cleaned his room. Thank God. I went downstairs and realized that his room was the only thing he had cleaned. He left dishes in the sink plus left blankets and pillows on the couches that his friend who slept over last night used. On his way out of the house he had the F'ing nerve to say "my room sure looks a lot better than yours." First off. I woke up later and didn't get to cleaning it yet. Two is, I'm the one showing the F'ing house, not him. I have to come home from work to do this. He wouldn't do that. Also, I am the one who had to remind him over and over again to clean. PLEASE GOD, PLEASE LET THIS PERSON LIKE THE HOUSE SO I CAN MOVE OUT.

PEE SMELL

2007-09-10T08:53:00.000-07:00

CLEANING SERVICE WAS HERE THREE DAYS AGO. ROOMMATE GOT HOME LAST NIGHT. NOW, ALL OF A SUDDEN, THE TOILET VICINITY SMELLS LIKE PISS. WHAT THE F

YOU ARE 28 YEARS OLD. MAKE IT IN THE BIG HOLE IN FRONT OF YOU.

DOES ANYONE THINK THAT I SHOULD MAKE MY ROOMMATE PAY FOR 75 % OF THE LAST TWO ELECTRIC BILLS?

SMELL YOURSELF TO SLEEP?

2007-09-09T21:26:00.000-07:00

ROOMMATE AND GIRLFRIEND ARE HERE. THEY JUST WENT TO SLEEP. MY ROOMMATE SPRAYED COLOGNE ON HIMSELF THEN ENTERED HIS ROOM AND SHUT THE DOOR BEHIND HIM.

Cologne?

HOUSE IS CLEAN BUT TOOTHPASTE IS GONE

2007-09-09T08:24:00.000-07:00

GOT HOME LAST NIGHT FROM MY LAST MINUTE LA TRIP. THAT PLACE IS SWEEEET! I was very upset being back and the last thing I wanted was to see my roommates pig mess. I was surprised to come home to an extremely clean house, then remembered that I booked cleaning ladies before I left. My roommate must have let them in. Anyway, I woke up and went to brush my teeth. I had two tubes of toothpaste in my medicine cabinet. They are both gone. What the F. I just want to be a normal 28 year old and be able to brush my teeth when I want to brush my mother F'ing teeth....... damn it!
Now I have to leave my house with my mouth smelling like his room.

SICK FRIEND

2007-09-06T16:44:00.000-07:00

MY COLLEGE FRIEND ANDREW WAS IN TOWN FOR HIS BROTHERS WEDDING. HE STAYED AT MY PLACE WEDNESDAY NIGHT; HE HAD AN EARLY FLIGHT TO LA THE NEXT MORNING AND I SAID THAT I WOULD DRIVE HIM TO THE AIRPORT. WE HUNG OUT FOR A LITTLE AND THEN AS A JOKE I DECIDED THAT I WOULD NAME MY OWN PRICE AT PRICELINE.COM. WELL, IT TOOK MY PRICE AND NOW I AM IN LA AT THE W HOTEL. THAT'S NOT WHY I AM WRITING.

I HAVE TALKED ABOUT HOW MY ROOMMATE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THERMOSTATS AND HOW OUR ELECTRIC BILLS ARE THROUGH THE ROOF. $ 450 last month, a slight improvement this month to $399. Anyway, when I arrived in LA, I couldn't find my friend because he lost his phone at the airport that morning. I took a later flight. So I was forced to stay at the Beverly Hilton last night which wasn't too shabby but also not free like his hotel would have been. I finally found my friend this morning and he was sick as a dog. He said, dude, you need to get out of that house. Your roommate got me sick. The house was so cold. I have been coughing and puking since I got here. I really think I caught pneumonia in your house.

If there is a Pneumonia outbreak in the world it probably started in my house. I think I saw he penguin the other day.

FICA SCORE KILLA

2007-09-05T10:54:00.000-07:00

THE ROOMMATE CREDIT KILLER ALMOST STRIKES AGAIN TODAY.

TODAY, WHILE WORKING FROM HOME, MY ROOMMATE COMES BACK TO THE HOUSE FROM SCHOOL. HE STARTED PACKING A BAG SO I ASKED HIM WHERE HE WAS HEADED. HE AND A FRIEND WERE GOING TO ATLANTIC CITY TO PLAY IN A POKER TOURNAMENT.

"COOL, MAYBE I'LL MEET YOU DOWN THERE LATER"

I JUMPED INTO THE SHOWER BECAUSE I HAD AN APPOINTMENT. WHILE SOAPING UP I HEAR MY ROOMMATE YELL, "YO, I NEED TO ASK YOU FOR A HUGE FAVOR." I SIGHED HEAVILY KNOWING THAT I WOULDN'T LIKE THE REQUEST. IT WAS EITHER THAT HE NEEDED A RIDE SOMEWHERE OR HE NEEDED MONEY.

"WHAT'S THAT?"

"I NEED TO BORROW LIKE TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS FOR TONIGHT"

A GRUNT AND ANOTHER SIGH CAME OUT OF ME. "WHY?"

" BECAUSE i JUST CHECKED MY ACCOUNT AND I ONLY HAVE 30 DOLLARS IN THERE."

I IMMEDIATELY LOST MY SHIT, NOT BECAUSE HE NEEDED MONEY BUT BECAUSE LAST MONTH HE F'D MY CREDIT BECAUSE HIS CHECK BOUNCED FOR THE MORTGAGE AND I HAD JUST FED-EX'D SEPTEMBERS PAYMENT YESTERDAY.

"DUDE, FIRST OFF, ITS NOT MY JOB TO BAIL YOU OUT, SECOND, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING TO HAPPEN WITH THE MORTGAGE PAYMENTS I JUST SENT IN?

"I CHECKED, THEY ALREADY WITHDREW IT."

"WELL, THAT'S CURIOUS CONSIDERING I JUST SENT IT YESTERDAY AFTERNOON. WHY ARE YOU LYING, YOUR GOING TO FUCK MY CREDIT UP FOR GOOD AND I'M GOING TO KILL YOU.

HE SAID "SHIT" AND THEN I HEARD THE FRONT DOOR TO THE HOUSE SHUT. i REALLY HOPE HE IS GOING TO RESOLVE THIS TODAY.

TELEVISED BOXING MATCH

2007-09-04T11:57:00.000-07:00

THE HOUSE WAS EMPTY THIS WEEKEND. I WENT TO THE BEACH AND MY ROOMMATE WENT AWAY WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND. I GOT HOME BEFORE HIM AND WANTED TO START PREPARING FOR THE NEW WEEK BY DOING SOME LAUNDRY. IN THE WASHER THERE WERE WET CLOTHES THAT SMELLED BADLY OF MILDEW AND ALSO HAD WEIRD YELLOW STUFF ALL OVER THEM. I ALSO NOTICED THAT THEY WERE ALL MY CLOTHES AND TOWELS. WHY HE DECIDED TO DO A LOAD OF MY LAUNDRY AND NOT DRY THEM ELUDES ME BUT TO MAKE IT WORSE, HE DECIDED TO WASH A PACKET OF VITAMINS WITH MY CLOTHES, HENCE THE YELLOW STUFF. UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE.

NOW I BET YOU ARE THINKING THAT HE MUST HAVE DONE THIS ON PURPOSE. I DONT THINK SO BUT SOMETIMES I THINK THAT HE KNOWS ABOUT THIS BLOG. MY FRIENDS THINK THAT THIS BLOG WILL LEAD TO A MUCH ANTICIPATED BOXING MATCH WHICH WILL BE TELEVISED

Mezuzah Man PART 1

2007-08-31T11:10:00.000-07:00

5 months ago my roommate took a weekend trip up to NYC with his friend from med school. They went to a block party on the Upper West Side where most of the houses were open for partying. In one of these houses he met the love of his life. He came back that Sunday, makes a crap load of noise and wakes me up from a nap by yelling "I'm in love, I'm in love, just like Elf did in the highly acclaimed film, Elf. I was just thinking, Fuck, he's back. He runs up to my room proclaiming love and explained how he met this beautiful and smart, Jewish red head with a great ass. He couldn't wait for me to meet her, however, he did have one concern. She was extremely religious. Modern Orthodox and he didn't know whether she knew that he was not very Jewish. The next day he told me that she was going to be visiting that next weekend for Shabbat and that I shoulnt use the special plates and knives that he bought specifically for her. For those non Jews out there, Jewish people have a special set of holy dishware for the holidays. There was a set of rules I had to follow for shabbat. I couldnt believe what was happening. I couldnt use a phone, watch tv or turn lights on or off from sundown Friday to sundown Saturday. Later that day I came home and to see a brand new Mezuzah affixed on the back door to the house. I was thinking, oh god, this is serious and what an ugly f'ing mezuzah. Then I had one on my bedroom door and one on his door and one on the bathroom door and another one on the front door. He put Mezuzahs everywhere. Special dishware and Mezuzahs. Where the hell do I live? He really jew'd this place up. I mean, I guess that makes me a better person by default.

Part 2 later....

MY BROTHER MY BRO

2007-08-27T22:26:00.000-07:00

Last Friday night a group of friends and I, including my roommate all decided we were going to see Super Bad at a suburban movie theater. We entered the movie a bit late due to our pre film, hot box car session. We walked slowly up the theater steps during the previews while our eyes adjusted to see that the theater was jam packed. My Roommate led the group and miraculously found probably the best 4 seats all next to each other in the middle of the row. As he walked into the aisle, we heard a thud and a man say, "Yo, what the fuck, watch where you're going." The guy stood up and my eyes had adjusted enough to see that he was large, black and pissed. So my roommate with his really loud voice says, "Sorry my brother." My brother? What the hell? What was the hell was he thinking?
"aight, just watch where you're standing"
"Sorry, bro, I apologize." He said it again, unbelievable, my brother and then after I hit him he says bro? What an idiot. A short stocky Jew calling a large, upset black man, my brother, may be hilarious, but not advisable. As, I walked by I apologized and said, "how do you think I feel, he's my roommate.

IM TIRED AND FUNNY STORY

2007-08-21T22:46:00.000-07:00

I'm Tired. Cant sleep. Have nothing to write about so I will tell a funny story.

It was 6th grade. I was a bit immature for my age and in a very impressionable phase of life. Any little thing that happened in my social life would really affect me. I rushed out of the house and got to school just in time for homeroom. My first period class was English and after that was gym. Having gym class second period sucked, the rest of the day I felt nasty. Sitting in homeroom, I realized, that in my rush, I forgot to put on underwear. It wouldn't have been such a big deal if it wasn't for 2nd period gym class. My mom had given me a hand me down gym uniform both my brothers had worn when they were in middle school. The shorts had shrunk so much it looked like I was in Napolean Dynamite's gym class. There was no way I was going to wear these short shorts with no underwear underneath, especially during the co-ed stretching session in the first 15 minutes of class. Everyone would see my balls. I didn't want everyone to see my balls. The last thing I wanted was for some girl to see my prepubescent balls. What was I to do? For some reason we were graded on remembering to wear our gym uniforms, 1 point off if you forgot your shirt and 1 point for no shorts. Unfortunately, I had forgotten to bring my uniform one too many times and had one more chance to pass gym for the semester. I was fucked and started to panic. I walked up to my homeroom teacher and private math tutor (she came to my house twice a week) and started crying.
"is everything alright" she asks
"Not really"
"Whats wrong"
"I'm not wearing any underwear" I said balling my eyes out.

What could she have been thinking at that moment? Why the hell is this kid telling me that he isnt wearing any underwear? Is he hitting on me? He cant be, why would he be crying? she took me out to the hallway and I explained my gym situation. She must have been struggling hard to hold her laugh in. I would be. Long story short, my mom came to school and brought a pair of underwear.

What the fuck was I thinking?

FLUX CAPASTER

2007-08-21T22:42:00.000-07:00

THIS BLOG READS LIKE A POORLY WRITTEN BUT FUNNY BOOK. SO IF YOU DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT THEN GO BACK TO THE FIRST BLOG AND READ UNTIL THE PRESENT DAY.

MORTGAGE COMPANY CALLED TODAY, ROOMMATE FUCKED UP MY CREDIT. THEY DIDNT RECEIVE A PAYMENT.

STOLEN TRASH CANS

2007-08-21T13:56:00.000-07:00

SO I GUESS PEOPLE ARE SO SICK OF MY ROOMMATE LEAVING THE TRASH CANS ON THE STREET ALL WEEK THAT THEY FINALLY DECIDED TO STEAL THEM. NO MORE TRASH CANS. I GUESS THIS IS GOING TO LEAD TO SOMETHING LIKE THE MAGGOT STORY IN THE NEAR FUTURE.

RTARD PLUMBER

2007-08-19T20:56:00.000-07:00

I got home from the shore again about two hours ago. I parked my car, took my bags out and then said a little prayer to god. "Please god, please let everything in the house be normal and please tell me that my roommate took out the trash." I entered the house and dropped my bags off in my room. My roommate wasn't home. The trash was not taken out but it wasn't a big deal, there was only one bag to take.

If you remember from a few blog entries ago, I explained how my roommate clogged the sink by grinding a full drinking glass in the garbage disposal. Well, it took him forever to call the plumber and when he finally called he found out that it was more expensive to do a weekend emergency call, so he decided to wait until this coming Monday. Anyway, the sink was filled with gross, few day old sink water with shit floating in it. Tomato sauce, pasta, lettuce, etc...

I walked into the kitchen to get some water from the fridge and felt my feet sink into water. I looked down and just saw a wet kitchen mat. I then turned my attention to the dishwasher and noticed that there was nasty crust all over the outside of it.

Long story short, when my roommate got home, I asked him why there was crust all over the dishwasher and water on the floor. His Reply: Oh, well you know how there was that nasty water filled in the sink? Well, I moved it all to the dishwasher."

WHAT?????!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WHO DOES THAT?

You can imagine what happened after that. I closed my door and went to bed. After that, he came in and showed me a diagram of why it wasn't a big deal. It was some weird drawing of pipes and a sink. Now he's an Rtarded plumber.

BACK FROM WORK

2007-08-15T16:58:00.000-07:00

Just got back from work a little later than usual and heard a loud, booming sound coming from up stairs. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

THE ROOMMATE IS BACK FROM VACATION WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND.

It was so nice for a few days even though the air broke and the alarm kept sounding, so nice, that I wrote a poem about it.

Twas so nice the past few days alone
alone in this home
Stank be gone
for how I long
to be alone
for one more day
without Sonic Boom Man on da phone

BROKEN WASHER, BROKEN AIR, BROKEN DREAMS

2007-08-14T13:55:00.000-07:00

SHIT BE BROKE ALL UP IN DA CRIB.

Ever since we moved in, I've been telling The Roommate that he cant load all of his clothes into the washer and dryer at once. Not only is it unsanitary but the machines will overload and break. "When they break you pay for them to be fixed" was my line for the past few years. So during that time, of course, he didn't listen and they have broken three different times......AHH.... Project X.

So I've been saying the same thing about cranking the air conditioning down to 60 degrees. Not only is that too cold but when it breaks you are going to pay to fix it.

Last night, after a long long day, I was beat and all I wanted was to fall asleep at a normal time. Before bed, I called the 1800 number on the alarm keypad to see if they could help me fix the beeping problem. They instructed me to find the main box in my basement. Only there could I deactivate the system. The problem: The last owners of this house never gave me the key to get into this box. Great, now I don't have the key or the alarm code and the alarm company wont give it to me. The customer service guy advised that there was one more option. Follow the wires through my house and find the main outlet where the system is plugged into and pull the plug. Then the system would be working on back up battery power for a good 24 hours and would still beep until it ran out of batteries or a service representative could come to the property. I got pissed and hung up. After about a half hour of searching, I finally found the plug and outlet in my roommates closet (figures) and pulled it. I hope it was the annoying plug.

So I closed my eyes pissed, knowing that I had another night of being woken up to beeping at 1 AM and 5AM ahead of me. To make matters worse, I was really hot and dont like being hot when I sleep so I got up and turned the thermostadt lower and went back to bed. I realized minutes later that the air didnt come on. I got up again and turned it even lower and again, the air didn't start. SHIT, its broken! Beeping and no air conditioning, SHIT..... What a night. I hardly slept.

My roommate is coming back today and he is going to have a nice $150 bill waiting for him. I should charge him more just to pay for the shrink that I'll have to see if I keep living here.

THAT DAMN ALARM

2007-08-13T14:02:00.000-07:00

I don't know how to shut this damn alarm that he F'd with off. It goes off at 1 AM. 5 AM, 10 AM, 1:30 PM (why the 30 I don't know) and 4 PM.

I cant shut it off. I dont know where the main switch is. I tried using the circuit breaker and that doesn't work. Shit. I can't go through another night with that damn beeping.

Water The Garden

2007-08-12T18:29:00.000-07:00

My roommate and I were watching TV at around 9 PM a few months ago and were drinking some scotch. He got up and goes out to the patio/garden. I was just wondering why he went out there in the middle of the show. Then I started hearing water hitting plants. I yelled to him "dude, what are you doing"

He responded "I'm taking a fucking piss"

ME: "Why didn't you use the bathroom. Who pisses on their own patio?"

HIM: "It was closer and its liberating"

WHAT THE F

UnderWhere?

2007-08-11T13:20:00.000-07:00

I went to the mall last week and picked up a three pack of Boss boxer briefs that were on sale at Nordstroms. Somehow I am already missing two of those three. It must have been the great laundry commingle. Doesnt he think its gross to wear somebody elses underwear? Im still not sure if he really wears them or if they just end up in those smelly piles.

ahhh Peace

2007-08-10T09:20:00.000-07:00

I'm just starting to feel the effects of my roommate being gone and its damn relaxing.

I moved his car out of the driveway last night and drove it right into the center of the park across the street. He won't be able to find it when he gets back because its going to be towed.

No, im joking but I was thinking about driving it down to like Texas or maybe even Mexico just to leave it there. That way it will be really difficult for him to find.

fucker.

TEXT

2007-08-09T14:35:00.000-07:00

MY ROOMMATE SENT ME A TEXT ABOUT AN HOUR AGO.

"Dog, need a big favor. ....I could not find a spot last night. I am parked illegally on Blank Street behind our house....I left my car keys under the bed in my room. Can you repark my car? I will get mad tickets and towed otherwise....Please its important!"

Idiot. He doesnt even know that he left his car in the driveway blocking our neighbor Syvie in. HAHAHA. He doesnt even know where he parked his car. UNBELIEVABLE!!!!

VACATION

2007-08-09T08:29:00.000-07:00

MY ROOMMATE JUST LEFT FOR A FEW DAYS WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND. THEY LEFT FOR THE AIRPORT BY CAB AT 5 AM THIS MORNING. AT 8:30 AM I WALKED OUT TO MY CAR AND REALIZED THAT HE WENT ON VACATION WITHOUT MOVING HIS CAR FROM THE DRIVEWAY. SYLVIE, MY ELDER NEIGHBOR IS GOING TO FREAK. HE BLOCKED HER CAR IN THE DRIVEWAY AGAIN AND WENT ON VACATION. WHAT AN IDIOT.

I cant believe this

2007-08-08T19:27:00.000-07:00

I cant believe that not a day goes by without an "event". Sometimes it's surreal that its actually me that got stuck in a living situation like this. I must have walked under a ladder or broke a mirror or something.

Last night I was sitting watching tv and my roommate yells from the kitchen, "Yo, somethings wrong with the garbage disposal, isnt there a reset button somewhere?"

I reply yes and tell him where it is. That was the end of that.

Tonight, I finish dinner and go to the sink to pour out the leftover rice from my Vietnamese food. I go to start the garbage disposal and the power goes out. I was like, "What the Fuck!" So I take some action and stick my hand into the pit of slime and feel something slice my finger. "Fuck!, another fucking glass down the tubes!!!" I go downstairs to the basement to flip the breaker with my finger bleeding and go back up to the kitchen. I put my hand back in the slop water pit, lightly this time, and pull out the bottom of a glass that I have never seen before, so it had to be his fault.

Its un fucking believable.

WHY CANT I GET THIS PLACE RENTED ALREADY. I"M TOO OLD FOR A ROOMMATE.

THE GREAT LAUNDRY COMMINGLE

2007-08-08T11:04:00.000-07:00

Not only have our glasses slowly disappeared over time but so has my underwear. I used to have so many pairs and now I'm down to about 6. I find myself in a constant laundry cycle so I don't run out. I mean, I know I should go out and buy some more but I just haven't had time.

I finally noticed how it happens today. My roommate has large piles of stanky clothes in the basement that have been in line for a good washing for quite sometime. Finally, two days ago he decided to start loading some of these piles. Today, on my way out of the house, I went searching for a pair of clean socks in my clean clothes pile sitting on a shelf in the basement but the pile was gone. I checked the washer and noticed my roommate commingled my clean clothes with his dirty clothes. No wonder my underwear goes missing. He commingles. He's a commingler. Maybe this is just a brilliant way of slowly acquiring a wardrobe or maybe he just doesn't think about what he is doing.