Monday, March 31, 2008

Hold on Hold on.....I'm back....How can I quit while I still live here

I have to write again right now.

This weekend was a dream. The house was semi clean, just the way I like it, I didnt hear my roommates voice through walls on the same phone conversations he always has, I didnt see anything crazy or weird go on in the house. Yes, he was out of town and it was great.

So sunday night I was hanging out with a girl, in my room, and around 10 PM, I heard the sonic boom voice coming in through the front door and knew my dream of a weekend had come to an end. The girl in my room (I never mention names on this site, sorry girl in my room) got a real kick out of what happened next. I went through every detail of what was going to happen next.
She was there and witnessed the banging of the bathroom drawers, the loud voice, the finger nail clipping that goes on forever and last but definitely not least the inevitable filing of the fingers on the metal mesh ikea trash can. She was cracking up that I told her what was going to happen all before it actually happened all without even seeing him.

Anyhow, I get up the next morning and after my dream of a weekend notice that he, again, left every light on in the house and somehow seemed to have jammed the metal stopper into the drain to the point where it wont come out. My sink is now clogged with the stopper. What the F.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

ITS A WRAP

THIS IS MY FINAL BLOG ENTRY. THERE IS ONLY SO MUCH THAT ONE PERSON CAN WRITE ABOUT ONE SUBJECT. I AM ACTIVELY SEARCHING FOR TENANTS FOR THE HOUSE AND I WILL NEVER LIVE WITH SOMEONE AGAIN UNLESS ITS A GIRLFRIEND OR WIFE. BUT WHO KNOWS WHEN THAT WILL BE. To EVERYONE WITH BAD ROOMMATEs. GET OUT IMMEDIATELY. LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO BE STUCK IN SITUATIONS YOU DO NOT WISH TO BE STUCK IN.


A BOOK WILL FOLLOW. "The Bad Roommate" will also be a major motion picture someday. I have already been approached by a few production companies. Wish me luck. Thank You and Goodbye! MUCH LOVE TO ALL MY READERS.

Oh and the motion picture deal was a lie and same with being approached by producers.


The Good Roommate

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

WEIRDDDDDD-----BUT MY ROOMMATE IS IN THIS EPISODE

Jizz in his bed

I think I may

The Roommate Song

KEYS

Where the fuck are all the mother fucking keys to my mother fucking own house.

I swear, he has handed out keys to his dad, his mom, his brother and my backups just keep going missing.

His Fiance was in this weekend and took the last set of keys. Its un fucking real.

Geezus.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Trash Night

Got home from my cousins house at 11 PM Sunday night. All the lights are on in the house. Roommate and fiance are in his room talking and listening to music. I yell " Trash night!"

I brush my teeth, and yell "Trash night!"

Finish brushing and dont hear anymore talking or music.


Fuckers. Its all their trash and they ignored me. Plus, left all the lights on.


Crazy, no respect.

Friday, March 14, 2008

HAHAHAAHA OH MY G-D

ROOMMATE AND THE FIANCE HAVE BEEN FIGHTING FOR THE PAST 15 MINUTES ABOUT HER NOT WANTING HIM TO GET A HAIRCUT RIGHT NOW. HAHAHHA


LIKE A FULL ON FIGHT.


HER " I really don't think you should get a haircut"

HIM "I dont like the way its laying, I need a haircut and I wont have time to get a haircut in the next few weeks, im too busy"

HER "yeah buts its already so short"

HIM " Yeah but I need it reshaped, its to puffy over here"

HER "But its not going to help that, I like it now, Please dont cut it"

OH god,,,,,,,He just said,

HIM: "I cant go to work with long soap opera hair" HAHAHA

HER "Its not long soap opera hair"


PEOPLE YOU HAVE NO IDEA------THIS IS STILL GOING......THEY ARE LITERALLY STILL FIGHTING OVER HIM GETTING A HAIRCUT.....I DONT FEEL LIKE TYPING TODAY, BUT THIS IS ON THE TOP OF THE LIST OF WORLD MOST RETARDED THINGS.

HAHAHAHA ITS CRAZY.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Geezus.

I dont know how or why he does it but he cranks the heat in the morning for no apparent reason. It runs all day and we get high gas and electric bills. I just dont understand why he doesnt understand how a thermostat works. Dude, its not going to get any warmer sooner in the morning if you turn it to 75 versus a normal temperature. It will get to the temp you want then shut off. Why cant you realize that.

I guess he gets cold in the morning. Whats the space heater in your room for? Just use that and dont wake me up in a heat stroke.


Geezus

Sunday, March 9, 2008

New Carpets

In a desperate act to try and rent this house faster, we have installed brand new carpets in the finished basement and the bedrooms. The house looks great. In the meantime, I am giving the roommate about a week before he breaks all of the new house rules. Number 1, no eating in the rooms with new carpet and Number 2, no sneakers or shoes on the new carpets.

How long do you people think its going to take for my roommate to break these rules? I give him 3 days maximum. Probably 2.

We'll see. If something goes wrong I will be sure and take a picture of the infraction.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

HEY MICE, ITS GREAT IN HERE. COME ON IN



The exterminator has told us not to eat upstairs or bring food outside the kitchen because even a sesame seed on the ground will attract them from outside. This was the scene this morning after almost three years of telling my scum roommate to not eat in his room. Remember for people who don't read this blog daily, about 2 years ago there was a mouse in my bed with me. Ever since then I have developed a nervous tic. I see a shadow or hear something and I cant sleep and freak out. Thanks roommate. Good Morning mice, for todays meal we have Bag of Granola on the floor near tanning goggles and a lovely meat and rice pie on desk. Bon Appetite!

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

This guy is crazy (this is not about the roommate)

There are a few things that are awsomely weird about this. He may be a gay pedophile (I mean, his last name is Dickson) but either way, this is one of my favorite shows on the net AKA The World Wide Web. Man can this guy blend.





DR EVIL LOVES DESTRUCTION

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Why is the water still running?

I was trying to sleep and I hear the shower go on. 15 minutes later I realize why our water bills are so high. I heard my roommate talking on the phone and realized that he still had not even gotten into the shower. I wish I could take a picture of what happened next but he is in the bathroom right now. Anyway, I get up and open my door right when he comes out of the bathroom fully dressed. I said, dude, why are you just letting the water run. I looked into the bathroom and saw his sport coat and and white coat from school hanging on the shower curtain bar. He wasn't even showering. He was steaming his clothes on my water bill. Does that even work? We have an iron.

Please people. Do I have a right to be a little upset. Like a tiny bit upset ? I think he thought I was being ridiculous when I said that he was doing that on my water bill.